The rain had the ferocity of the wind behind it. It came in quickly and left the earth full and soaked with water. Many puddles had formed in the fields; the earth around the puddles was black and rich. The seeds planted beneath seem to grow before ones eyes as lightly green shoots spun to life.

She was very quiet and not sure why she had come.

You saw my husband and he is not the same man since and I really can’t figure him out. He’s stopped criticizing me and he’s dropped his constant demand for sex. So I have come to see you because I think you or him are up to something.

Like what?

Some plan! Whatever! I know my husband and since we’ve been married he has always demanded sex from me at the most inopportune times.

Yes he told me about that!

Well I wondered why he did that! He never really talks to me about anything. He just goes off and sulks. He behaves like another kid, for shits sake.

Yes he is aware of that as well. He told me that he sulks a lot when he doesn’t get his way.

He sure does! And I’m sick and tired of it. It’s another demand, a pressure, and between the kids, the house, and looking after some of my own needs I don’t need another person whining at me.

Yes he seems to know that!

Well that’s what he does. It is so unattractive that he’s so dependent on me. What’s wrong with you men! All my girlfriends say the same thing about their husbands. We laugh at you guys, you know!

I’m sure you do! But are any of your girlfriends divorced?

Yes they are.

Do they laugh at their husbands, now that they’re divorced?

No, they hate them!

Maybe your husband feels that divorce isn’t an option for you and he doesn’t want that to happen.

So what you’re telling me is that he thinks I’m having an affair?
Well no, I’m not.

I sure could have. That’s easy and with the way I look, men are always flirting with me. I seem to have that type of body that men like. They’re all the same! But one man for another man would be just another set of the same problems. I’m not interested in that.

So what kind of marriage are you interested in?

One that works!

Is it working now?

Well what did my husband say?

He said a lot! But none of which I can really discuss with you!

And why not??

I care about your marriage and I am willing to fight for your relationship for your marriage even when sometimes people don’t.

So you’re colluding with my husband?

No. Maybe I’m colluding with your marriage.

What the hell does that mean?

If you came to see me about your marriage to your husband and then he came to see me, would you want me telling you what you said in confidence to me?

Yes, why not? You’re supposed to tell us!

Well I don’t think doing that would help your marriage. Me telling you that your husband came to me and took responsibility for his behavior I feel is not breaking his trust. I think your husband won’t be upset about that he knows he’s made mistakes he doesn’t want to lose you. And I really think he is worried about that.

I know that in last two weeks I’ve been living with a different man and it’s really pissing me off.

So things are worse now?

Yes!

Well why is that?

Now I feel so guilty for the way I’ve been treating him.

Well so that means you’re starting to do a little self-evaluation. Is that so bad?

Well I guess not but I did fool around on him. But I ended it yesterday.

Why yesterday?

Well I knew I was coming to see you and my husband has been treating me so different. The affair lost all its appeal I think! I don’t know. I guess I see him trying so hard … I don’t know guilt maybe.

Can I ask you a question? It may help you understand it if you answered it.

Yes sure!

When you noticed your husbands change, when did that start?

About four weeks ago, I think.

What happened?

I just gave up fighting him and just gave him sex. Let him do his thing and get off and be done with it.

How did you feel about that?

I felt depressed, lonely, sad, and guilty.

Did he have any response to this?

Yes he stopped having sex with me and asked me what was wrong.

Do you think he knew something was up?

Why do you say that?

Well, what did you do in the past with his demands?

Just refused him and made him wait till I was ready!

What would he do?

Whine and act like a child. Give me the silent treatment. Same old bullshit men do!

But he didn’t, did he? He saw you change and he didn’t like it!

I guess not!

Is it possible that he figured something out?

Like what?

That he finally heard you and he doesn’t want to lose you.

Yes but why now?

Because you did something differently that you have never done before.

Which is?

You gave in to him! You had an affair, you depressed! But more important, he surprised you. Didn’t he?

Yeah he did, I thought he would end the marriage as much as I thought he wanted to.

What made you think that?

Well I thought he was as miserable as I am. I turn him down a lot; I criticized him all the time. But since your session with him he’s talking to me more and I know he listened to you because he explained to me that when I criticize him like I do I sent him the message I don’t love him and therefore he tries to do what most men do – have sex to reconnect. He said it really hurts him when I criticize him and if I have sex with him there is still hope.

Do you think he’s right?

You mean do I think you’re right?

No! He’s the one that gave you that information; I’m not your husband. How I think or not doesn’t impact your marriage.

How do I know this is genuine?

You don’t, you have to find out. Your marriage can be saved if you are willing to start caring less about what he or you want and more about what is best for your marriage, your relationship.

Yes I guess our relationship is real … too right.

Yes – a living, breathing thing depends on how you treat each other.

I think we need your help!

Sure that’s what I do – deal with people who want out of their self-inflicted misery.

So you think this is self-inflicted.

Yes. All throughout history human beings refuse to evolve psychologically. We are still in conflict and refuse any other way of living. The world is becoming a more dangerous place.

That seems so sad!

Don’t you feel the sorrow of your life?

Yes I do! Thank you. I must come again.

Sure!

Coachbri

I would rather live a life of sorrow and insecurity than live in a world created by the illusions of thought that give a false sense of security and togetherness.

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I don’t know much and what I do know isn’t worth much. But what I feel at any given moment tells me what I am doing right now is my freedom or my bondage.

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We were built to love and be loved.
We are incapable of processing love or being processed by it.
It is only by us loving that love is restored in us and we are healed from all the incapable people like us that fall short of love’s high call.

Coach bri

It is in the small things we choose our sorrow. In places where the relationship gets strained, we ask too much of a friend or we ask too little of ourselves. In all situations relationship is denied when we are not open with the people we care about the most. Or we isolate ourselves when people are not able to give to us because they are toiling with there own woes. The mark of love leaves a deep bite when it comes crashing into our darkness and leaves us naked without excuses or remedies for things others thought we couldn’t do or weren’t capable of. When we are touched by something real and innocent, we run to our deepest vices and plant ourselves fully in their chains, as if to say my change is not welcome if pleasure is withheld from me.

The music of anything is found in the spaces between the notes. In that nothingness we began and we will again drift into it. The time of birth and the time of death come when they come. Behind all things there is simplicity – live fully, die, empty, embrace the things that bring challenge to your day. Step away from things that give the illusion of being powerful. Cancer is powerful but it too dies. Hunger is powerful and it too dies. Yet the promise of pleasure is never as good or powerful as the promise it made. Behind it all is how you make your life, not for yourself, but so that others can find their riches in your heart. Truth is the only true power in this world and we run from her like vampires in a sunrise. We run from light because in its presence change just happens, and the illusion of control we thought we had is no longer.

Coachbri

What does it mean to be human? Is it the chaos we create when we impose our beliefs on others by wronging them for their’s? Often what people think takes on a moral purpose and in conversation with them, what is destroyed is the relationship.

She was nice to look at – friendly and yet strong. She was not a pushover and was not going to be mistreated by anyone. Whenever you entered a conversation with her, she was very skillful and bright. Within a few moments she often unknowingly challenged what you said. The challenge was not a conversation based on two people talking things over together but more of a conversation that was her imposing her more profound view of the situation. She always had moral purpose to her behavior and she knew the right solution, question, and answer. Often in the conversations one felt as if they were being setup. Within a few moments interest would be shown by her telling you, from a more moral perspective, how and what to think. This would of course be done with the best of intentions and perhaps even unnoticed. When around her one had to very careful and conscious of what one said. In this atmosphere all connection and creativity were was stifled. In that was also a profound sorrow.

Coachbri