CoachBri’s Blog

It was a lovely spring morning. The earth was dark and damp and gave off such a rich, earthy smell. The sky looked so turquoise blue over the lake and on the horizon the colors were so soft with no promise of rain.

We walked for some time in the solitude of the morning. He then began to cry. His tears were large and he felt somewhat embarrassed and foolish.

Let them come sir! It is so cleansing to be vulnerable. You are among friends now.

I sorry for all this, I never thought this would happen, but it is there now and I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Yes sir. Let it be there! Do watch it sir and see all of it without any interruption.

But it feels so… so…

Ugly, sir?

Well, I wasn’t going to say that but it does make sense, it is kinda ugly.

Sir, most of us live such a self-centered, ugly existence.  We want to be so much more than what we are. We need to have letters after our name so we seek and broadcast all our accreditation to buff us up so we don’t feels so empty.

That is how I feel – so insignificant.

Yes sir we are! We live such boring lives, and try to establish some profound, deeper meaning to our existence, when really we are petty, shallow-minded and a slave to desire.

I can see that although I have never put words to it before.

Or we are always wanting to be entertained, taken out of our mediocre, boring lives.

My life is boring. Don’t get me wrong – I have done a lot with my life and I am thankful but it all seems to be so heartless. Nothing brings me real satisfaction. I seem to spend my life just active to be active. I feel that I am really running, but don’t know what from.

Yourself sir!

How do you mean? I have a good job, wife, kids, I meet my responsibilities but it is not enough. I want something more but don’t know what!

Yes sir, thought in its very nature creates an ego or self and that self is our existence. As it moves it is always comparing, judging, and evaluating and therefore creates a division between you and your life. That division is the movement of pleasure and pain which is what self is. It is nothing more than a movement of pleasure and pain. We or self are that movement and that movement also keeps itself going and creates a sense of void. That deep void within, being the product of self, is where most human beings are caught. This is the prison humanity is caught in. This is his burden, the source of all his confusion. He is always trying to cover it up and in doing so creates conflict. He rejects any other possible way to live. He is in conflict with himself, because thought divides him against himself. It breaks us up into parts of thought, feeling and action. It is the source of all human anxiety sir. To act out of thinking in the world of technology is the only place for thought to act. Any other place, thought is a burden.  In the matter if relationship and of the heart thought has little place, only to communicate. That is all!

It is true that I am lost! That is the feeling of have.

Yes sir, most of humanity is lost. Lost in the vain pursuits of religion, making money, acquiring something to show others and our self we are someone. And for all this we will go to war! Always creating deeper anxiety for all sir!

This has been so helpful. I thought all these things were locked inside and no words to get them out. Why do I feel so much better, when I think I just looked at how ugly I am.

Sir, the truth acts, it is the thing that sets us free. Right sir?

I must come to your discussion in Toronto. Thank you.

No problem sir!

Coach Bri

It is in the small things we choose our sorrow. In places where the relationship gets strained, we ask too much of a friend or we ask too little of ourselves. In all situations relationship is denied when we are not open with the people we care about the most. Or we isolate ourselves when people are not able to give to us because they are toiling with there own woes. The mark of love leaves a deep bite when it comes crashing into our darkness and leaves us naked without excuses or remedies for things others thought we couldn’t do or weren’t capable of. When we are touched by something real and innocent, we run to our deepest vices and plant ourselves fully in their chains, as if to say my change is not welcome if pleasure is withheld from me.

The music of anything is found in the spaces between the notes. In that nothingness we began and we will again drift into it. The time of birth and the time of death come when they come. Behind all things there is simplicity – live fully, die, empty, embrace the things that bring challenge to your day. Step away from things that give the illusion of being powerful. Cancer is powerful but it too dies. Hunger is powerful and it too dies. Yet the promise of pleasure is never as good or powerful as the promise it made. Behind it all is how you make your life, not for yourself, but so that others can find their riches in your heart. Truth is the only true power in this world and we run from her like vampires in a sunrise. We run from light because in its presence change just happens, and the illusion of control we thought we had is no longer.

Coachbri

They came together, a middle aged couple. Both were attractive and well dressed. They sat quietly for some time, and something about them seemed worn out. The woman spoke first.

We got your name from our minister, we saw him for some time, for help but he soon grew tired of us and his answers were not very real, or let’s say faith-based. My husband and I try hard to stay married but there always seem to be a wall around each of us and when we go to talk about it, we seem to end up blaming each other or agreeing to disagree.

The husband spoke and was less direct. He was very handsome and slightly graying, and he weighed what he wanted to say carefully:
I don’t mean to be insensitive but I am really here for myself. For some time now I feel that my life is coming to an end and that I have not reached my enlightened or ultimate reality. I seem to be depressed a lot because life seems so cold with only little moments of happiness. When I have nothing to look forward to it is sometimes unbearable. Our minister said that you were not enlightened or a Christian but he found you had changed his perception of how he sees things, and he respects you.

Okay, so what would you like to talk about?

They both sat for some time and the women commented on how quiet it was in the little cabin. The husband asked quietly, with tears in his eyes: Why do I feel like I am broken, that I have a hole in me that can never be fixed? I, we, have lots of money, good jobs, education, a cottage, the whole nine yards, but this last yard I never seems to make it.

Sir, we have been conditioned to feel very insufficient; we are brainwashed sir to feel we are no good sir, inadequate and insecure.

Well that is the way I feel, like deep down I am no good. I feel the same way but not as strongly as my husband. When the children moved on I began to feel it slightly, but that’s all.

What, if I may ask is, the dominant occupation of your life?

Sorry I don’t know what you mean by that?

What is your deepest interest in life?

Well I guess lots of things, the husband said. His wife replied that she though it was work.

Why does one work for a living?

Because one must eat, live, said the husband.

So you are getting what you want then?

Well yes! But it is not enough!
Is this all there is?

Sir, Madame, please don’t be so quick to answer, take the time to think this out.

I guess most of my life is about making money!

No sir sorry not at all! What is the most important thing in your life? Yourself! Right sir? It is all about you! And what about you?

I guess I am always after this!

Yes sir much deeper than that, you are always after pleasure! You see it sir? That is most human beings’ deepest commitment.

I don’t think ours is! We are looking to fill this hole!

Why Sir?

Because it is too painful to bloody well live with.

So you are in pain and want pleasure to cover it up!

Wow! I guess so.
The wife piped up: He got you there honey!

Sorry but could you put the question to yourself too Miss, if you don’t mind.

I agree with you. I would say I am all about my children. But when I look at it, I want them to do is succeed so I guess if they succeed then if they do so it is still all about me. But why do we both feel so insecure?

It is part of our conditioning to feel the way we are. Our chief occupation is thinking and we give great importance to what we think. Humans have given themselves over to technology.

Why have we done that?

Perhaps because since the dawn of time thinking had to solve problems to keep us alive. The best survivors taught their skill and were revered for doing so – given status etc.

So you are telling me this hole I feel inside of me is very old?

Yes sir, your parents parents, parents, etc had it and strengthened it and now we hold the burden of it.

Well is seems like a burden when you say that.

All knowledge outside the field of technology is a burden!

I don’t understand that, said the husband.
Just a minute, said the wife. Are you saying that technology defines us, that we are our technology?

In a way, knowledge has its place, and as you can see, we are willing to shift theory when it comes to matter and energy. Right?
Now we have gone from Aristotle to Einstein to String theory. Why? How?

Because we had too?

Yes thought has to innovate to make things better.
So this movement in dealing with matter and energy we have applied to our psyche and we deeply feel that as human beings we must become better. Knowledge in the world of technology is power. In the world of the brain knowledge has become our burden because we are not broken but because we give such importance to thinking we believe we are broken.

Holy shit! I mean, sorry, holy shit! I am laughing and I don’t know why!

Because you’re learning something sir! Every time we see through an illusion we are caught in, we have some fun. Learning is supposed to be fun.

I have never in my life thought about what you are saying. This is amazing.

Yes sir! We are brainwashed away from our own natural state.
So naturally we fell into the trap!

That trap is the hole I feel?

Partly sir! The trap is first thought’s need to survive. Then we improve our living conditions by using thought, and then we apply the same movement to our psychology. Therefore we condition ourselves. The trap is giving knowledge so much importance. We become something because technology is always improving and because it is and has constructed who we think we are, we are always convincing ourselves that we too must improve and become better human beings.

I don’t see anything bad in that.

Of course you don’t but are you happy and do you reach your potential as a person?

Well if we were we wouldn’t be here. I think I am at times.

Yes when you can escape from your fear of death, isolation, lack of love, etc.

I see what you mean!

Maybe madam a million years ago we clubbed people down because thought, formed an identification with beliefs, which was the forming of tribes, and they thought differently. So they killed each other with war. Now today we can kill millions with one bomb. That is not progress!
First we identified with the tribe then we invent religion, then politics, then governments etc. But more importantly we live in the greatest self-deception of all.

And what is that?

We live in conflict with each other and that conflict is the battle between two illusions, formed out of the psychology of our own making.

I don’t understand.

Please help me too.

We have formed a self, an ego, based on being brainwashed and we have conditioned ourselves to it from the things thought has innovated over time.

Like what?
Well, as he said honey, religion, right? Do I have it right? But why?

What is the purpose of all religions, self-help books, mediation groups, etc.?

To make us better, develop us! Which I don’t see, we don’t seem to be more loving, things are getting worse. Our greed is at an all time high – you just have to look at what happened in the economy and the bail out, that we’re just so corrupt and millions of people have lost everything.

I know. It is very sad. We are imprisoned by this external psychology, and because of it we can’t really genuinely care for another or ourselves.
So we feel a large void in our life, and try to fill it with pleasure.

This has been so remarkable for us! Thank you.

Now please, it may be for you but maybe not your wife she has to decide and speak for her.

No, I never saw this coming. We heard you on CKNX in the summer and we thought you made a lot of sense.
I just can’t believe the truth of what you speak about. I see a little of why I feel so empty inside.

Yes. Whatever thought creates in the world of religion or growth through psychology is misleading. Thought can never lead us to the place in ourselves that is not put together by thought. Putting thought in its place and finding a different way to live is each human being’s personal journey. A life that has not put thought in it place is a shallow, self-centered life.
I’m glad I could be of service.

Thank you so much!

Coach bri