CoachBri’s Blog

Below is a link to an informative video produced by PBS three years ago about the increasing use of psychotropic medication in the treatment of children.

Human Potential Plus would like to add the disclaimer that it does not believe in the existence of bipolar disease, which is spoken of at length in the video.

http://vimeo.com/19920017

 

Here’s an article that gives more evidence for why putting children and teenagers on medication doesn’t make sense: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090824/ap_on_he_me/us_med_adhd_drug_abuse_4

She was very attractive woman. She had very slender fingers, and she seemed to walk with such grace and dignity. As she approached the chair she had an engaging smile yet a deep sense of sadness seemed to be hidden in her eyes. I held out my hand and introduced myself and she took it and she shook it quite vigorously. She opened her spring jacket that was very well made, sat down and began to talk:

My husband told me I should come and talk to you. I have come from quite a distance and that in itself was an accomplishment. I took the day off work and even though I live about two hours away, I had to summon up the courage in order to come. I’m finding lately I have difficulty doing just basic things. And these attacks I get leave me feeling paranoid and fearful of all people and situations. I have seen the family doctor and he prescribed a medication for me, but after what you said on the radio about medication dampening your feelings, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

What hit you like a ton of bricks Madame?

Well that’s what my life feels like – no pure joy, no pure sorrow and nothing seems genuine since I’ve been on this medication and I also feel rather confused.

Okay, got it. So how can I help you?

Well that’s just it – I don’t really know. For the last two years I’ve noticed a change in myself and that change has become so disturbing that I don’t even want to leave my house. Sometimes I get this anxious feeling in the simple things that I used to do and enjoy. I can’t do it anymore. I try to hide it from my kids and I’ve been doing quite a good job. But we do have a family business and my husband knows me well and gives me a lot of space when I get into one of these paranoid states.

Well what happened two years ago that was significant for you?

Well nothing. I can’t think of anything. I’ve been racking my brains about this but I can’t think of anything that’s different that’s happened to me.

How’s your relationship with your husband?

My husband and I are fine. We have a great relationship together, were still attracted to each other, we have a good business and he’s been great about this!

Well do you have children?

Yes I have two girls and a boy!

And how are you getting along with them?

We get along great. I have a daughter at University and I have a son at community college. The kids are doing well. I have nothing to be upset about. My life is absolutely perfect.

Well if your life is perfect, does a perfect life include paranoia?

I know but why is it that I get paranoid over doing the simplest things? I’m going into the video store and I’m trembling going into there – it took me about twenty minutes just to drop off the movies.

Okay so how about your parents. Are your parents alive?

Yes both of them are. I have a few problems with my father but he’s just a bossy guy and always tries to tell me what to do.

What’s your relationship like with your mother?

Mom and me are mom and me! That’s just the way we are with each other – we get along. Or I should say we tolerate each other?

So you don’t get along well with your mother?

I don’t think my mother is the source of this trouble. She’s always been the way she is and I’ve just learned to live with that.

Live with what?

It’s no big deal really. It’s really not. She is just … you know … let’s say a little cool!

Cool or cold or callous?

I don’t think we have to talk about her. We just exist together and we get along fine. There are certain things I don’t discuss with her.

You mean things with your mother in the past two years?

No not really, nothing I can remember!

How do your children get along with their grandmother?

Well you know kids – they’re smarter than me – they just take her as she is and don’t pay much attention to her.

What is it that they don’t pay much attention to?

Just the way she is!

And that way is what?

The callousness as you put it – she’s a little cold.

Does your daughter get along with her?

My son gets along with her really well. He knows how to play her!

How about your daughter?

They were pretty good friends until my daughter was about 17!

Okay, well, what happened at 17 and how many years ago was that?

I’ll have to think about that one. I’m not really sure.

You’re not really sure of what?

Well it was about 18 months ago and my daughter was having some trouble.

And what kind of trouble was she having?

Well my mother came to me with my daughter because my daughter thought she was pregnant!

Well what did you think of your daughter going to her grandmother?

I was a bit shocked, pretty overwhelmed, pretty hurt I guess.

What does that tell you?

She seemed to adjust her seat and sit back in the chair and she took a nice deep breath and slowly turned her head and looked out the window. Tears began to roll down her cheeks. Each drop seemed to slowly move down her face and crash on her lap. Her right hand began to quiver and she began to take deep breaths. The words seemed to choke her and she tried several times to clear her throat and finally she barked out:

I just can’t forgive her!!

And who is it that you can’t forgive?

My mother. When I was 17 I got pregnant and had an abortion. When I told my mother she didn’t say anything to me. She simply closed her eyes, made a fist, stomped her foot on the floor and walked up the stairs to talk to my father. She then yelled something to my father and told him, “I’m taking your slutty daughter to the hospital for an abortion”. She came downstairs, went into the closet, grabbed my jacket threw it at me and said, “Get in the car”. As we were driving, the only thing she said to me was, “You have disgraced me. What will the neighbors think? And here I am, having to drive all the way to Ottawa so that no one finds out! Thanks a lot! My mother must be rolling over in her grave.” That’s all she said to me the whole drive.

Wow, that’s terrible. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine doing that to my child or to any child!

I told you she was callous! A real cold bitch!

Can we talk a little further about this?

Yes. I haven’t talked about it in years.

These feelings of paranoia and anxiety, have they ever happened to you before in your relationship with your husband or when you were younger, when your children were younger?

Well as a matter of fact they did – before the birth of my daughter!

Well what were you thinking when you were pregnant?

Well the same thing I’ve been thinking for the past two years I think! I keep wondering about the baby that I aborted. I keep wondering what my life would’ve been like if I kept that baby!

Tears flowed down her face like lines of silver. She cried for some time and we both sat in silence. Out of the window of the sun porch the sun was setting behind trees. The golden light of the setting sun filled the room with a breathtaking glitter. She reached into her purse and took out some Kleenex and soon began to dry her eyes. She then spoke with a quiet voice:

You know, I think this is all related.

I think you’re right!

I’d like to come back and see you again, I didn’t expect this.

That’s what I do here I deal with the unexpected. I’m glad you came.

Thanks, so am I.

Coach bri

No matter how much human beings mess things up in their lives, there is always a chance for change. The feelings surrounding our failure is our internal psychology speaking to us that we need to change things. We can always make a better choice. One of the problems with medication is that choice and feeling that drives us to want to make change is inhibited. Medication is needed to keep a person alive until counseling can begin. But the success of counseling is the counselor’s ability to get close to the person who is having difficulty getting along with the people in their life the way they want to. In schools, at home, or at the office, problems arise because people have difficulty getting along and that is the source of the trouble.

Behind all human trouble is the lack of relationship and relationship is the process of recovery. People who can find a way to stay in relation with others and the situation they are in have very little conflict in their life.

Coach bri

It was a hot morning and the wind was filled with the promise of rain. The fields were saturated and small puddles were everywhere. The ground couldn’t hold any more moisture. The leaves on the trees were so green from the many cleansing rains. The birds were feasting on the plentiful bugs coming out of the woods. The whole earth seemed to be in abundance. A large ant hill was a busy construction site as the ants prepared for the coming rain.

He pulled up in a mid-size truck. His walk was strong and his gate quick. He greeted me.

Sorry I’m late. It is nice to see you again.

Nice to see you too. How have you been?

I have been holding my own I guess!

So what is ‘holding your own’?

I’m holding it together I guess. My life is basically a mess. I have blown a relationship with my wife. I tried to control her, as you put it, with my mental illness, which didn’t work. And I lost my job since the last time we met and I stormed out of here. So things have gone from bad to worse, as you said they would. I went to my shrink and he did what you said, almost word for word. He needed to change my medication, adjust it a bit, so they can get it right. I told him what you said about behavior and I was choosing my behavior. He laughed and asked why anyone would choose to depress. So I told him because I can’t get what I want. Then he got pissed at me and said he was the psychiatrist.

Wow. Did you get your anger out on him?

Yes I felt good when I left the office and he was pissed.

Well you got a rise out of him? He bought into your external control. And because he did you felt powerful and it is better than feeling hurt.

Okay, so we are back on that stuff again!

You phoned and asked to see me. I’m not looking for you.

I just had to see you because I felt you really listened, and you didn’t, you know……..

Buy into your controlling me!

Yes. Do you have to be so god damn blunt all the fucking time?

Are you going to spend the rest of the session trying to get a rise out of me?

So what if I am? I pay you. What’s it to you?

It means you are not going to get the help you need. You’re just going to carry on doing what you have always done. So if you want to waste your money that’s up to you! But I decide who I see and who I don’t.

You’re a real prick you know, a self centered arrogant prick! You don’t have any idea of what I am going through. I have lost my wife, my house, my kids, now my job.

So do you want to understand why you lost them? Or do you want to keep blaming a chemical imbalance?

Fuck you! What the fuck do you know anyway!

I see you’re in pain and it hurts and I think your life isn’t over. You can learn and have a better life if you choose to.

I am not choosing this shit in my life.

No you’re choosing how you deal with the shit in your life. I think people can change and make a better choice and have a better life.

Why? What’s the point? Everything is so fucked up anyway.

You’re right it is. So tell me how choosing to be crazy is the best thing you can do.

Because I’m not as miserable as I was.

I agree with that. You’re less miserable but your still miserable. Most people who choose to be crazy are very lonely, dependent people.

I not depending on anyone for my life ever again – they have all let me down.

I sure you think that way! But now what are you dependent on?

Nothing I told you, never again!

Well how about drugs? Are you depending on them? For your life?

You fucking bastard!!! I have mental illness in my family. My uncle, my dad, my cousin – they had a mental illness. So it’s in our family.

That may be true. That is what happens in many families where people can’t get or stay close to the people they want too.

What so they choose to go crazy. ? I think you’re fucking crazy.

I’m sure you do! You have a list of people telling you that you not responsible for – your marriage and loss of job and more importantly, your choice to depress.

Well if my uncle and people in my family were depressed that’s a point for it being genetic. So they got that gene.

Yes that’s a convenient way to think.

Well I’m living in that convenient way to think. And it suits me fine.

That’s great. Then why are you here?

Basically, to straighten you out about my mental illness.

Okay, so if you straighten me out about it, how would that look?

You would show some compassion for me. Instead of being an insensitive asshole!

So let me get this right. You came to see me because someone said I would help you. You came to see me, left angry because I did buy into your diagnosis. Now you are back here telling me you have come back to straighten me out.

Yes, because you are lost and don’t know a thing about depression or mental illness.

So as you are here straightening me out, being angry and chewing me out, how do you feel?

A lot better!

Why do you think that is?

Because you are listening to me and I think I am changing your mind.

I still believe you are choosing your behavior and you’re not changing my mind. As a matter of fact, you are convincing me more that you are healthier than you are letting on.

Why do you say that?

Well when you are focusing your attention on me, you feel better!

Yes but I’m still feeling depressed.

Not when you are angering at me your not.

What kind of counselor says that, “angering”? I’m not fucking angering. I’m angry at you, because you’re such a useless fucking counselor.

Yes and one you can’t control. How many other people in your life do you try to control?

Fuck you! I don’t have to answer your questions!

You’re right, you don’t and that’s your choice.

I’m angry all the fucking time okay? I fucking hate my parents, they’re dead but I hate them, and I hate my boss at work and I hate my fucking wife and my fucking kids for being with my fucking wife, I hate my fucking shrink and fucking hate you too.

Well that’s sad, how do you feel about yourself?

Another fucking dumb question!

Yes I know, I ask a lot of dumb question, but I’m interested! Interested in you and how you feel about you!

Fuck this is a waste of fucking time. You are never going to get my illness, you’re too fucking stupid.

True, but how do you feel about yourself?

You just want me to say I hate myself too, right? That’s what you want me to say.

I want you to tell me the truth, what do you feel about you?

I love myself Doctor fucking Freud, alright?

Great. Tell me the truth then about what you love about yourself. I never met a person I haven’t grown to love that I have worked with. You may be the first but I want to like you.

FUCK OFF! I know exactly what you’re trying to do!

What’s that?

Try to be my fucking friend!

How many friend in your life do you have?

FUCK OFF!

I thought you’d say that!

You a fucking mind reader now?

No I don’t have to be a mind reader to predict what you are going to do. It’s pretty clear!

What’s that?

Well when you leave here you will beat yourself up for not giving your self a chance!

At this point there was a strong stillness in the room and everything seemed to be in a deep silence. Then tears began to flow and the man fell off his chair onto his knees. There was a deep wrenching agony or cry and the words, muffled by tears, cried out, “Sorry sorry sorry, please help me – sorry”. I asked for his permission to touch him. All he could do was nod his head. I slowly rubbed his back until he was able to sit back up in the chair.

I haven’t cried like that in years!

Yes sir. How do you feel?

A lot better, like a load has been lifted.

Yes sir, it has

Can I come again!

Of course

I’m sorry for….

There is no need sir! First we think something, then we believe it to be true. In order to be free of the burden of the past we must let go of the present. Only then in freedom can we perceive the false. We can’t self evaluate sir if we are not willing to let go of our prejudice.

I don’t know what happened but I have opened something.

Yes sir, in every death there is an opening.

Coach bri