CoachBri’s Blog

In our last session we discussed how thought plays such a large roll in creating and maintaining our problems.   You were very clear about this regarding fear of death. I can’t seem to remember what it was you said but it did scare the crap out of me! Now things keep coming back to me that we discussed.

Thinking is always on the move, looking to keep itself alive through activity. Thinking about something is thought’s occupation. It is always moving and when one watches or pays attention to thought it slows down. When one gives one’s whole attention to thought it ceases. It is like when you are in a car crash and things seem to happen in slow motion. Most of us only know the release from thought through some activity, competition, or adrenaline rush. If one uses concentration to quiet thought, it is freedom from and therefore a process of exclusion. Thought doesn’t want to end, and its primary directive is to find in some religious, political, or personal belief a place where it is permanent and secure. Thought creates all kinds of beliefs and material processes because it is itself a material process.

The chemical nature of thought is moving in an irrational pattern when it is used beyond the technical boundaries of its intended function. Where human relationship is concerned thinking is a mess. It creates groups of people and the illusion that we are separate beings in separate lands. Thought has created all the psychological problems of disconnection, fear, jealousy, hatred, greed, loneliness etc. Thought also creates the external psychology that most people practice to deal with there disconnected state only inflicting more damage and disconnection.  Thought creates the problem of disconnection and then tries to be the remedy to change it. You can’t use cancer to kill a cancer without creating the same result.

Our greatest challenge as human beings is to question everything that thought creates to make us better people, more loving etc. Thought is a movement that is caught in time.  Fear, jealousy, greed, and hatred are products of time because they are things we learn. Love and compassion are not the rooted in thought. They are another movement that is truly internal. Self is fear, jealousy, greed, hatred and is put into you by others. Where these are, love and compassion are not. To love another and reject someone else is not love.
Death is the ending of self and self is terrified of it own ending.  In the ending of thought one is no longer seeing through the eyes of time and one’s own limits. Then one is free and what is free is not held in the confines of death.

Coach bri

Whatever thought creates is limiting.

You can’t trust what you think unless compassion is behind your thinking.

You can live without a self-concept.

How you define yourself is your sickness, life has no definition; we are interdependent creatures who share a planet and a universe.

What takes time to learn anybody can learn. The real important things to learn in life must be perceived and held; they are their own action.

Thought is the lowest material process on the planet, unless it is accompanied with love.

Love transforms thought and therefore it is never subjective.

Coachbri

I have come to see you because of something you said at a Friday Night Group.
One of the members of this group was there and he was causing a lot of problems, judging people and trying to get a fight going. He seems so unable to, as you call it, evaluate himself. He was very good at evaluating them but there came a point in that meeting where you locked eyes with him and told him to leave himself alone. Now there are two things that I noticed in him: One, was he was very afraid of you and secondly, the more important one, was how you seem to be aware of things that I am not. So my question is this: What is this awareness all about?

Okay, so you wish to understand this thing called awareness. Can I ask why?

Well, if I was more aware I think I would get more out of things, I guess?

So your inquiry is to get something out of this awareness. Is that not a self-centered approach to the problem?

Okay, yes it is. So what?

Is awareness a self-centered movement? Or is awareness stopped and non-existent when one is self-centered?

I kinda see what you mean but not fully.

In order to find out what awareness is, must we not find out what awareness is not? Then from there discover how unaware we are.

I am not sure! I feel aware sometimes. But then it doesn’t seem to last long.

Of course!

Why do you say ‘of course’?

Anything willful, planned, by effort, by imagining or by drugs cannot make one aware.

So you are saying it can’t be forced.

Yes but much more than that! Awareness has no cause, being unaware has a cause.

Which is what? What is the cause of unawareness then?

To be preoccupied sir. That is simple then isn’t it?

When you put it that way yes! So then why are we so unaware?

The brain is always active, thinking sir, it is on override. Thinking enters places where it has little value or meaning.

Those places are?

Thinking has very little value in the area of human relationship. It gives one the illusion of relationship because you think like someone else or like a group of people. This has been our downfall sir. Surely you see that!

I think I do but it seems too deep for me.

Yes that is another thing that thinking does to avoid the issue.

What issue? And I think you have just called me lazy.

No sir, the fact is we are lazy! You are only not lazy when there is some pleasure in it for you, when you find the motivation, no sir?

Yes I see that. But relationship?

Sir, relationship through thinking is only association. People who are united through thinking are united through beliefs, be they religious, political, philosophical, or economic, it is all so superficial. Relationship implies being connected, contacting, being in movement with.

So can you say I am connected through my faith or religion?

No sir, that is not true!

Why not?

That is simple to see! Because being connected through anything that thinking creates like religion, philosophy, etc, is going to separate you from some other group which then leads to conflict and war. That has been our history of life on this planet – lot of things put together by thinking and the denial of relationship because of those things.

That is amazing!

Yes! If you see it and remain with it! Relationship in life is the most important thing. Not the job you have or the car you drive. But a deep connection first sir with your being. You are not the things thinking says you are. You are far deeper and richer than that. To see the fact of that one must refuse to enter any relationship or give importance to any relationship that is based on what thinking has put together.

Then how do I live Bri?

Sir, most people are struggling for human connection, socially we have great difficulty finding love and security.

No doubt about that!

See why sir? Because the things that are supposed to bring us security, like money, a job, religion, my family, bring conflict and conformity. When I don’t conform to the demands of another, I am left out! Thrown out! Relationship and connection come about when thinking is quiet, when I have no judgment, no preconceived idea about myself and or another. This is the movement of compassion; it arises in the ashes of all my self-centered thinking. So many people are unaware sir of what is happening, how quickly life comes and goes and at the end of our years most people’s brains are worn out. They are dazed and confused by their conflictual lives. Conflict breeds its own energy, rising out of the mechanical process of thought which fuels the war machine and has been doing that for one hundred thousand years. Relationship, connection is a more subtle movement which blooms in awareness. That awareness is not something that has any relationship to thinking – one cannot think oneself aware. When you are in discord or conflict, hurt, jealously, fear, greed, we poison everything we touch. To be aware of these movements as they are happening in you without trying to get rid of them is meditation. In that meditation awareness is the cornerstone of all relationship, thinking is perceived and torn out. In that we are free and that freedom is the movement of love, compassion and intelligence.

You strike a hard bargain.

No sir, bargaining is another form of trying to get what we want. I want nothing from you! Just see the truth of what is being said. It has nothing to do with me really. I’m not trying to convince you of anything.

Well you’re doing a damn good job!

Maybe you just see the truth of what is being said.

Yes maybe! Thanks. May I come again?

Of course!

Coach bri

A busy mind is a distracted mind that leads to indifference. To be indifferent is to lose all one’s sensitivity. To understand oneself you have to invite indifference, without any judgment or acceptance. Only in that attentiveness one’s attachments can be seen and understood, thereby giving rise to their falling away. This is love in action and happy are those who see it.

Coach bri

It is in the small things we choose our sorrow. In places where the relationship gets strained, we ask too much of a friend or we ask too little of ourselves. In all situations relationship is denied when we are not open with the people we care about the most. Or we isolate ourselves when people are not able to give to us because they are toiling with there own woes. The mark of love leaves a deep bite when it comes crashing into our darkness and leaves us naked without excuses or remedies for things others thought we couldn’t do or weren’t capable of. When we are touched by something real and innocent, we run to our deepest vices and plant ourselves fully in their chains, as if to say my change is not welcome if pleasure is withheld from me.

The music of anything is found in the spaces between the notes. In that nothingness we began and we will again drift into it. The time of birth and the time of death come when they come. Behind all things there is simplicity – live fully, die, empty, embrace the things that bring challenge to your day. Step away from things that give the illusion of being powerful. Cancer is powerful but it too dies. Hunger is powerful and it too dies. Yet the promise of pleasure is never as good or powerful as the promise it made. Behind it all is how you make your life, not for yourself, but so that others can find their riches in your heart. Truth is the only true power in this world and we run from her like vampires in a sunrise. We run from light because in its presence change just happens, and the illusion of control we thought we had is no longer.

Coachbri

The problem facing humanity is that we refuse to be aware of the fact that emotionally we are in our infancy and intellectually we are toddlers. Therefore, we can’t embrace our true spirituality. We see ourselves as having God-like qualities and psychic gifts, which reveals our adolescence. Old time religions, or the new cults of Tolle, The Secret, Osho, and many others, erect in us hope. This hope is something we are told to be thankful for. Hope is needed when someone has cancer and you want them to recover. But hope springs eternal, which prevents us from radical change or transformation. We have hoped for the alcoholic to stop drinking or the addict to stop using.

We have waited thousands of centuries for human beings to finish with war and have hoped that the poor will be fed and will know the delight of clean clothes and a good meal. What most human beings want is to read someone else’s book and get their answers so they can put meaning to their pitiful, meaningless lives. We don’t want to face the fact that in one moment we can be completely irrational and in the next moment be kind. We truly don’t want to do our own work, to find resolve and solve our own lives as they unfold, with our own evaluation. Whatever the popular pop-spiritual movement is that Oprah peddles, it only adds to the central confusion of creating an authority to bring about change. Change on the personal level is never a matter of looking through the eyes of knowledge of another. It comes about by revelation and insight that is in no way the product of thought or thinking. It is not the expression of one’s talents or convictions, or self-centered beliefs. Real change is without intention. It is not heading in one direction and then choosing another. Change comes because one perceives the fact of one’s own disorder without any resistance. One breaks the pattern of looking at knowledge as a factor of change by seeing that knowledge is the factor of conformity and the historical pattern of society based in our own deception. Real change is discovery that flows out of innocence toward innocence itself.

No one can change anyone else and when one sets aside the need for change and brings one’s attention to discover what is really going on, that discovery is the factor of change, which is liberation from knowledge. We cannot examine our own heart by using the tools of the brain, or someone else’s knowledge. Education is to draw out that which is within and limits us from the central fact of human existence. We are not who we as defined by knowledge. We have no country or religion, or political association; they are all forces of disorder creating the greatest organized disorder, war.

Peace on earth is our ability to be in relationship with each other by emptying the content that we so greedily cling too. Peace is to create a life out of nothingness. Peace is to be and live into your talent and reach your human potential, which, my good friends, is the flowering of LOVE AND COMPASSION in whatever you do.

Coach bri

Bill Maher is an intelligent man. However, all of his arguments are still put together by a fragmented view of the world. He says some very powerful things that point to America’s deception. Yet the real deception in the world is the external conditioning that creates the fragmenting and deception of our own psychological sickness. Patriotism to any flag creates chaos that robs people of their brotherhood and connectedness. To think from any religious point of view is to put limitations on the power of human possibility for insight. The things of thinking can never in themselves bring about fundamental change! Thought cannot perceive or reach anything deeper than itself. So any movement, be it political, economic, or religious, will never go to the core of the problem that creates all this human disorder. Unless we stop being poisoned by the cultures we live in, or start to raise our children to be citizens of the earth, who don’t have to spend their life conforming to the culture we live in, we will remain self-centered, egocentric and violent. The picture the world has of mental health is of a person able to conform to a pattern of society and succeed in it by making a their fortune, whatever that may be. They forgot that actual success in this society is truly an indication of sickness. Less than 1% of the richest people in the world have 85% of the world’s wealth. This past bailout will end up, when it is all over, costing America trillions of dollars. Once we see we are stimulating the economy for the rich, by the rich, we will also see that we are costing coming generations hardship.

The world economy is based on war and the machine of war. This is nothing more than a reflection of our own consciousness, which is always setting up conflict, or the inability to get along. Bill Maher is a comedian who does a great job of pointing out fragmentation and holding it up for us all to look at. By doing this well he casts the idea into our minds that because we see the fragmentation or sickness of this world is it does something. BUT IT DOES NOT.

The only thing that will change the human experience is to remove from our hearts the things of the mind. That is the journey we are all on. To empty is to have no religion or political identification and to not let conflict become the dictator of thought itself. The pattern set out by thought is the wrong pattern. Any pattern thought projects itself into is a place where it doesn’t belong. Compassion, insight, and love can use thought and then thought has a purpose. Without compassion conflict will never end.

Coach bri

Within human beings is the need to survive. After a divorce the common thinking of a person that has been cheated on is to feel that they hate the opposite sex and they will never get involved again. “I hate men” or “I hate women” is the common thread I hear in most situations. The healing process of any relationship begins when self-evaluation takes place. That self-evaluation is painful. The person who has being rejected is in pain enough, and to self-evaluate in it is often more difficult. People who are able to self-evaluate seem to recover quicker than people who don’t. Often people repeat the same external psychology habits in their next marriage and end up divorced again. Self-evaluation is the process of learning about your mistakes which connects to another need, which is the need for fun. Now the question is this: How is learning fun when it comes to being dumped?

It is natural for a person who loses a relationship to depress and this prevents that person from acting out of anger and doing something that would be harmful to themselves or the person that left them. Self-evaluation here is often very difficult when the need for loving and belonging begins over time to speak to the person because they miss having someone in their life. If you are happy that a person left you that usually means that this person didn’t meet your loving and belonging need anymore so them leaving wasn’t a big deal and can be a relief, allowing the person to now look for someone else to fill that need.

When looking for someone else it is wise to not meet them with any chemicals in your system or in theirs. Being under the influence of chemicals, medication, alcohol, or grass impairs one’s ability to sense how need fulfilling a person truly is. Even though you may have fun with this person, a good relationship has to be more than fun to have longevity. Self-evaluation is looking at how you satisfy your needs by checking out how the behaviours you are presently using are working towards your level of happiness. Levels of happiness are as real as your needs but they are sewn together, genuinely in all situations in different moments. When one is under the influence, it is harder to genuinely access how and why you feel good. The happier one is, the more needs or depth of a need is being satisfied. Now after experiencing a rejection, a person’s scales are going to be more sensitive to tipping and drugs or alcohol become a means of numbing out. The purpose numbing is to prevent the self-evaluation process from happening, which is driven by the emotional content of thinking, which is fear, linked to rejection or possible rejection.

Sometimes people in a marriage where sex was good and the only place where there is any connection have a harder time loving and belonging because sex was the only place where their marriage was good or they experienced any closeness. These people can miss sex, not really seeing it as the belonging they are looking for. They become very desiring and will go with someone just for sex. Men tend to do this more. Women do this as well but for a woman, if she comes out of a relationship where she was a victim in the last relationship and sex was the only place she where there was connection, she could be setting up the same pattern of abuse again. Therefore it is very important that if she wants and needs sex she do it with her full faculties so that self-evaluation is possible.

Men and women have needs for sex. It is part of our being. Having good and present sex helps connection, which allows sex to meet loving and belonging needs. If people choose to get together for sex to satisfy the need for fun, power, freedom, and survival but void of love and belonging, it can be very complicated and degrading. Under the influence this can lead to a lot of problems that tears away at the dignity of one or both people and eventually leads to great unhappiness that goes under the radar because the sort connection is always a painful one. You can’t fake love like you can an orgasm. But if you think you can fake love until you make it, all self-evaluation is lost. Love and compassion are the key ingredients to relationship. Without them and without awareness, all external psychology dominates our behaviour.

Coach bri