CoachBri’s Blog

Selfishness is pretty well known but not very well understood by most people.  We are so good at finding selfishness in others because we ourselves are full of selfishness, pretending or covering up what we are. We dislike people who have the same weaknesses or flaws that we do. We can criticize them so easily because any flaw a person has we recognize in ourselves, which is another level of self-ness.

Self-ness and selfishness are two different things.  Self-ness is a process of thought and conditioning that is our tendency in situations.  Selfishness is the meeting of one’s own needs regardless of how they affect others. In all situations it is putting one self first, taking the best because one knows it is the best or is the thing that most people want. Self is always rooted in envy, because to be envied is deeply gratifying to self. That is why one longs for fame because in fame one thinks fame will end one’s deep insecurity and inadequacy.  Selfishness is the art of getting one’s own way by so many means. It will take a variety of approaches or no approach, as it cunningly pays attention to the situation and the self-ness of the other. Selfishness is good at reading situations for one’s own self-interest or even promoting someone’s interest, if in the end it gets what one wants. This is often called good business and is how the world works.

In any relationship, self-interest or selfishness will always destroy the couple or team when it is not addressed or excused because a person has a gift or talent and is therefore tolerated. Tolerance in any form is hidden intolerance and eventually will act as a cancer and poison the environment and create deeper problems between the two or the many. Selfishness in our society is accepted and nourished in most aspects of living. Because it is external psychology (the psychology of disconnection) it is rampant and we resort to it whenever self cannot get its way. The habits of external psychology are then used to gain control of the situation or person we practice it on and deeper damage is done that divides human beings.

Human beings are the only animal on the planet that, out of selfishness, will kill every living creature so they can have what they want.  Out of selfishness we form beliefs, dogma, and ideologies and kill others who threaten them. Self is always trying to be something. Whatever it sees itself as being, it lives into and it will kill for on so many levels.

Is it not about time we start to see the importance of being nothing? That nothing is holding the whole world and universe together. To be empty of self means to cooperate without self trying to control and dominate. Self, which is a product of thought, is never without motive or seeking some sort of satisfaction. To love another without motive or payoff is to have a mind that is truly innocent. As long as self dominates and runs the show, the awakening to a different movement is impossible.  Self is always giving itself qualities that it doesn’t possess and therefore it cannot be innocent. Self is always seeking something – seeking after enlightenment or God or the perfect experience or the perfect man or women, all of which is to seek under one’s own prejudice.  That prejudice will in fact be projections of one’s own mind and therefore a creation of selfishness. What is selfish is exclusive and love and compassion are of a completely different quality and will be inclusive. Selfishness and virtue cannot exist together, for a virtuous person could never recognize their own virtue. If they did it would be an egoism.

To see all this is in itself, and to understand it, is to free the mind from selfishness. This is the journey humankind must take if we are to have a world that is orderly, responsible, and sane.  Very few people are interested in all this or even care about being free. Freedom has nothing to do with self. Self is in bondage and a slave to thought and all its habits. Love is not a habit that can be practiced.  It is the perfume that makes all things possible with self-interest is set aside. Love is not selective or personal. It is expressed by its own volition.  It is whole and depends on nothing. Selfishness is always dependent on thought and is always trying to be something.  Love is like the air we breathe, free for everyone regardless of skin, color, race, or heritage.  One can’t go to love – it finds you when you are not!

 

Coach bri

They came together, a middle aged couple. Both were attractive and well dressed. They sat quietly for some time, and something about them seemed worn out. The woman spoke first.

We got your name from our minister, we saw him for some time, for help but he soon grew tired of us and his answers were not very real, or let’s say faith-based. My husband and I try hard to stay married but there always seem to be a wall around each of us and when we go to talk about it, we seem to end up blaming each other or agreeing to disagree.

The husband spoke and was less direct. He was very handsome and slightly graying, and he weighed what he wanted to say carefully:
I don’t mean to be insensitive but I am really here for myself. For some time now I feel that my life is coming to an end and that I have not reached my enlightened or ultimate reality. I seem to be depressed a lot because life seems so cold with only little moments of happiness. When I have nothing to look forward to it is sometimes unbearable. Our minister said that you were not enlightened or a Christian but he found you had changed his perception of how he sees things, and he respects you.

Okay, so what would you like to talk about?

They both sat for some time and the women commented on how quiet it was in the little cabin. The husband asked quietly, with tears in his eyes: Why do I feel like I am broken, that I have a hole in me that can never be fixed? I, we, have lots of money, good jobs, education, a cottage, the whole nine yards, but this last yard I never seems to make it.

Sir, we have been conditioned to feel very insufficient; we are brainwashed sir to feel we are no good sir, inadequate and insecure.

Well that is the way I feel, like deep down I am no good. I feel the same way but not as strongly as my husband. When the children moved on I began to feel it slightly, but that’s all.

What, if I may ask is, the dominant occupation of your life?

Sorry I don’t know what you mean by that?

What is your deepest interest in life?

Well I guess lots of things, the husband said. His wife replied that she though it was work.

Why does one work for a living?

Because one must eat, live, said the husband.

So you are getting what you want then?

Well yes! But it is not enough!
Is this all there is?

Sir, Madame, please don’t be so quick to answer, take the time to think this out.

I guess most of my life is about making money!

No sir sorry not at all! What is the most important thing in your life? Yourself! Right sir? It is all about you! And what about you?

I guess I am always after this!

Yes sir much deeper than that, you are always after pleasure! You see it sir? That is most human beings’ deepest commitment.

I don’t think ours is! We are looking to fill this hole!

Why Sir?

Because it is too painful to bloody well live with.

So you are in pain and want pleasure to cover it up!

Wow! I guess so.
The wife piped up: He got you there honey!

Sorry but could you put the question to yourself too Miss, if you don’t mind.

I agree with you. I would say I am all about my children. But when I look at it, I want them to do is succeed so I guess if they succeed then if they do so it is still all about me. But why do we both feel so insecure?

It is part of our conditioning to feel the way we are. Our chief occupation is thinking and we give great importance to what we think. Humans have given themselves over to technology.

Why have we done that?

Perhaps because since the dawn of time thinking had to solve problems to keep us alive. The best survivors taught their skill and were revered for doing so – given status etc.

So you are telling me this hole I feel inside of me is very old?

Yes sir, your parents parents, parents, etc had it and strengthened it and now we hold the burden of it.

Well is seems like a burden when you say that.

All knowledge outside the field of technology is a burden!

I don’t understand that, said the husband.
Just a minute, said the wife. Are you saying that technology defines us, that we are our technology?

In a way, knowledge has its place, and as you can see, we are willing to shift theory when it comes to matter and energy. Right?
Now we have gone from Aristotle to Einstein to String theory. Why? How?

Because we had too?

Yes thought has to innovate to make things better.
So this movement in dealing with matter and energy we have applied to our psyche and we deeply feel that as human beings we must become better. Knowledge in the world of technology is power. In the world of the brain knowledge has become our burden because we are not broken but because we give such importance to thinking we believe we are broken.

Holy shit! I mean, sorry, holy shit! I am laughing and I don’t know why!

Because you’re learning something sir! Every time we see through an illusion we are caught in, we have some fun. Learning is supposed to be fun.

I have never in my life thought about what you are saying. This is amazing.

Yes sir! We are brainwashed away from our own natural state.
So naturally we fell into the trap!

That trap is the hole I feel?

Partly sir! The trap is first thought’s need to survive. Then we improve our living conditions by using thought, and then we apply the same movement to our psychology. Therefore we condition ourselves. The trap is giving knowledge so much importance. We become something because technology is always improving and because it is and has constructed who we think we are, we are always convincing ourselves that we too must improve and become better human beings.

I don’t see anything bad in that.

Of course you don’t but are you happy and do you reach your potential as a person?

Well if we were we wouldn’t be here. I think I am at times.

Yes when you can escape from your fear of death, isolation, lack of love, etc.

I see what you mean!

Maybe madam a million years ago we clubbed people down because thought, formed an identification with beliefs, which was the forming of tribes, and they thought differently. So they killed each other with war. Now today we can kill millions with one bomb. That is not progress!
First we identified with the tribe then we invent religion, then politics, then governments etc. But more importantly we live in the greatest self-deception of all.

And what is that?

We live in conflict with each other and that conflict is the battle between two illusions, formed out of the psychology of our own making.

I don’t understand.

Please help me too.

We have formed a self, an ego, based on being brainwashed and we have conditioned ourselves to it from the things thought has innovated over time.

Like what?
Well, as he said honey, religion, right? Do I have it right? But why?

What is the purpose of all religions, self-help books, mediation groups, etc.?

To make us better, develop us! Which I don’t see, we don’t seem to be more loving, things are getting worse. Our greed is at an all time high – you just have to look at what happened in the economy and the bail out, that we’re just so corrupt and millions of people have lost everything.

I know. It is very sad. We are imprisoned by this external psychology, and because of it we can’t really genuinely care for another or ourselves.
So we feel a large void in our life, and try to fill it with pleasure.

This has been so remarkable for us! Thank you.

Now please, it may be for you but maybe not your wife she has to decide and speak for her.

No, I never saw this coming. We heard you on CKNX in the summer and we thought you made a lot of sense.
I just can’t believe the truth of what you speak about. I see a little of why I feel so empty inside.

Yes. Whatever thought creates in the world of religion or growth through psychology is misleading. Thought can never lead us to the place in ourselves that is not put together by thought. Putting thought in its place and finding a different way to live is each human being’s personal journey. A life that has not put thought in it place is a shallow, self-centered life.
I’m glad I could be of service.

Thank you so much!

Coach bri