Without a shadow of doubt there I am, caught in a web of my own making. When they speak of the principle of integrity, here too I am lost. What seems to define me more and more is the lack of my own seriousness, and my complacency about it. My heart longs for something, but my mind creates it and therefore is lost. For what is created by the mind is limited and not the truth. I can’t seem to change from this position for this is truly where thought is locked. Day after day I am wanting or desiring something to cover over my inadequacies. I spend most of my time in thought by thought wanting to be out of thought, keeping me there. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to turn but to embrace the ugliness of my own condition.

We do no see the path, the only path, that all change must happen in the content of our own personal consciousness. The wind and water erode a stone, but what will wash away the hardness of the self? The self seems to be a hundred times the strength of stone, a million times more clever than the intellectual genius. It creates the prison of personal drama, thinks something and believes whatever it wants to secure its position. Then without intention or warning, love passes through it and leaves no mark or path. Somewhere between the notes of self there lives a profound silence. Like the birds on a wire each with their space or like the space between two musical notes, love lives. Life is not about now for now is the past of what has been. Go nowhere, be nothing, stop everything, shine not. For if you do shine you will not know you are shining. If you are blessed by love and it moves through you to someone or something you will not channel it or will it be under control of yourself. I see this yet my heart is heavy with the pain and disgust of myself.

Coach bri