CoachBri’s Blog

I had to contact you after reading something you sent to a group of people. I know this person is your relation. But I don’t want to discuss her as she has been a help to me.

That’s good; I don’t want to discuss personalities, as it’s a waste of time and energy. How can I help?

That I’m not sure! Just your words really anger me. I felt so angry after I read them and yet when I asked my spouse about what you wrote they made an interesting remark.  Then we got into a major argument. My spouse also claims this is why they never attend things in the same spirit that I do and then I was called a gullible person, which only made thing go from bad to worse. I don’t see myself as a gullible person and I have an open mind. But what you wrote I hated you for and then I realized, as my spouse put it, why can’t I let this thing go?

So what was your answer?

I don’t know. I have tried to figure this out but I brought what you wrote and I would like you to read it, so I can get a better idea of what you meant.

I will read it if you like but I can tell you about it if you like. We are all caught in our own delusions thinking that when we are, they are not delusions.

I know. Please read it.

Okay.
Meditation is the ending of one’s daily disorder. It is choiceless and cannot be something that is practiced. Willful mindfulness is for people caught in the web of mind tricks, meeting their own self-centered activity. Any willful meditation is not meditation at all because any method to become aware or mindful is created by thought, or the process of thinking, in order to get out of the trap or limitation of ego or self.

Meditation is love in action and not an escape from one’s fast-paced life. To see how inattentive one is to their anger, hurt, jealously, or quest for power or insecurity as it moves is the beginning of meditation and the unfolding of the religious mind. Self can practice all kinds of traditions, rituals or disciplines but they are all movements of ego to get out of ego. How can the ego with all the problems it causes in relationship also be the thing that brings ego to its death so that real relationship is authentic?

Meditation is perceiving one’s lack of authenticity and the lies that self is and projects in all its multiple identifications. Ego-self can identify with the letters after one’s name, or the amount of money in the bank, or a vow of poverty. Ego is the making of meaning to justify the experiences one has chosen and is often giving itself mystical qualities because it can’t face its limitations and petty superficial existence.

Self cannot practice meditation. They do not belong on the same axis because love and hate are not related to each other and are not opposites. Meditation and love come from the same root. Self and practice, be it yoga or any method to become something spiritual, is like a dog wagging its own tail. To really feel love and compassion is to see one’s un-lovingness and violence to another. For a virtuous person can never recognize their own virtue, if they did it would be an egoism.

Meditation is not mindfulness. Meditation is a mind empty of all the identifications with the things thinking has invented. When a mind is serious and sets aside all its identifications and playing games to cover up its loneliness and endless chatter, it can go beyond itself. The going beyond is not something thought or self can touch. That is the truly religious spirit and it is not tied to any religion or method created by self.

Well, that is what I thought is would be! It is very questioning the way you read it however. Something is more offensive about it or something…

Can I say you find it radical?

Yes, that’s it.

Yet you want comfort, right? And it offers none.

Yes! Maybe. It doesn’t feel good.  But why do I feel so angry!

Are you angry or disturbed like you have been called out?

Well my spouse said the truth hurts, which really upset me.

Is that why you’re here?

No, it’s because I am a meditator and do it several times a week and now I feel like you have killed it for me.

Killed what?

I get a lot out of it I feel.

Great. Like what?

It makes me feel peaceful!

Did it help you with the fight with your spouse?

No, because I couldn’t get into it!

Yes, which means what?

That all I was thinking was about our fight and how I am not listened to and judged.

Yes! And is that not a judgment of your spouse?

Yes I guess it is!

Can I speak personally of a minute?

Sure!

I have practiced all kinds of meditation. I lived in a few ashrams and practiced yoga till I could tie myself in knots. I lived in California, got involved in all kinds of healing practices from Bach flower remedies, crystals and tarot cards, and even took a course to develop strengthening my mental and spiritual power so I could contact the dead and be a psychic. I went and ate the macrobiotic way until a good friend of mine told my something Jesus said: It is not what you put in your mouth that defiles you but what comes out.  And what I have learned is that I can deceive and be deceived when I want something. The mind is always acting out of its insecurity, trying to create realities to support its beliefs. All beliefs, whatever they are, are created by thought and thought is an ego-self-centered activity and has nothing whatsoever to do with anything spiritual.

I resent what you’re saying

Yes I know! Shoot the messenger, right!?

Maybe! But what if you’re wrong?

Wrong about what?

Spiritual practices!

You practice meditation right?

Yes and yoga too!

Yes and how has it helped your life?

It has made me a lot more peaceful and I appreciate more. I am thankful more.

Do you have many friends?

Yes lots.

As you age and they age, are they more peaceful and appreciative than you?

No, I would say some are, some aren’t.

The ones that are, do they practice yoga and meditation like you?

Some are and some aren’t I guess.

So the ones that don’t practice, how do you explain them being more peaceful and appreciative as you?

They found their thing to do!

You mean their method, right?

Yes, I see what you’re saying!

Now who picks the method? Or the help etcetera?

I guess the person seeking a method or help!

Right! So choose the help that suits us the most?

Okay. What’s wrong with that?

Nothing, but what is the purpose of the method you choose?

To make me a better person, more peaceful, more giving.

Yes, better than what you are now. You practice to become something better.

Yes, I don’t have a problem with that.

Of course you don’t, until someone comes around and say it is an illusion.

How do they know that?

Does your meditation bring an end to the conflict between you and your spouse?

No not right now!  The day before.
So with your spouse, your children, your in-laws, are you conflict free?

No!

And are you?

What I am or not has no bearing on your life! If I was or was not it won’t help you.

Why not?

Because your mind wants to find out if my way works and if it doesn’t you will say why should I listen to him? And if you think I am free of conflict you will try it and see if it works for you, which is still becoming something, right?

So what’s wrong with that!

Your ego-self is looking for a system, a method, which I can teach to you. Then you become attached to a system, which means pain.

I see what you’re saying and I just want to smash you. You’re a real ass!

Yes I am! I offer nothing. Any system, any willful meditation, rituals, and traditions, are all the invention of thought and therefore caught in time and bound by thought and are limited.

I feel so sad!

Yes we are! Filled with sorrow because we have filled our hearts with the things thinking has made. You see, everything is moving in the direction of people trying to practice something.  That practice is the movement of thinking trying to get out of thinking. We need to see that any movement out of thinking is still thinking trying to find another dimension. This movement must come to an end to be beyond thought, which is a truly religious mind.

I feel the truth of what you say and sitting here with you has some effect on me. Like some silence is speaking through you.

Okay, see how you’re doing it again! You want it to be about me, as if I am special or have some gift or some bullshit like that!

Well look what is happening! My emotions are all over the place. If I wasn’t sitting here with you this wouldn’t be happening.

Look, you are here and you have chosen to talk and you’re nice enough to listen. Your kindness is in spite of anything you have done. You have been willing to look at the illusion you are caught in.

Illusion? What illusions?

Can you see the truth of what is being said?

Yes I guess I can!

Can you see you want that to be about me?

Yes.

The fact is you decided to look into you owns delusion and illusions around meditation. Because of that you have set aside or emptied some of your content of your ego-self. The end of illusion is the function of meditation. Now can you in your daily life have discussion with people to see all of your illusions and delusions and face them and realize you can do nothing about them? This means not trying to change or judge them. Just watch them. In that watching is the true flowering of meditation. It is the highest form of art and most difficult to live into. It means seeing your selfishness with your spouse, your children, your job, your neighbor, everywhere, and end it.

It seems almost impossible!

Yes, but better than living in some illusion about myself and my fabricated gifts so I can impose my ignorance on others and make a living or ego life from them.

You’re too much! I want to thank you. I will read your blog!

Please remember how you feel right now!

I feel good. It was helpful I owe my spouse an apology.

You feel good because you questioned. That has nothing to do with me and all to do with you.

Yes I see that but you seem like an authority.
We only want and make authorities when we our confused.

That is a topic in itself.

Yes, some other time perhaps!

Yes thanks.

You’re welcome.

 

Coachbri

I would rather live a life of sorrow and insecurity than live in a world created by the illusions of thought that give a false sense of security and togetherness.

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I don’t know much and what I do know isn’t worth much. But what I feel at any given moment tells me what I am doing right now is my freedom or my bondage.

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We were built to love and be loved.
We are incapable of processing love or being processed by it.
It is only by us loving that love is restored in us and we are healed from all the incapable people like us that fall short of love’s high call.

Coach bri

The room was aglow, as the fire in the wood stove was ablaze. The flickering, gentle light from the fire caressed the stones in the large fireplace. The evening was silent not by the genuine silence of emptiness, but the silence after the storm of thought that has created its picture of pleasure, chased it, caught it and was devoured by it. One felt a deep sorrow of the pleasures and promises that are forever empty and superficial.

When choices are different from oneself they seem to have very little choice in them and are void of all freedom.

What does it really mean to be free? Humankind has moved in the momentum of explanations, reason, and the quest for why. None of these have led to being free. The brain knows it is caught in the prison of thinking and has tried every means to breakout out the hell it is in. It has tried yoga, fasting, religious belief, political revolution, economic policy and otherwise. But it all amounts to the same thing – we can’t get out of the prison we are in because we are both the prison and the prisoner. To remove oneself from one’s own imprisonment just adds a new room to the prison. To try to escape is futile because to escape the prison the prisoner must set the path to breakout, not realizing he is the prisoner and has no key. Therefore anything he finds is just the same movement or dance played to new music. We get caught up in the music and forgot we are doing the same old dance. Freedom, whatever it is, must be there, as it always was and will be. One can’t make a movement towards freedom. It is not to be sought after. It is there when all seeking and thought’s endless gathering has come to an end. One is where one is – to cease to be is freedom. That freedom has no root in time and space. Freedom is to move without any hindrance and is tied to nothing. All systems, methods, beliefs, processes or policies are built over time. Time means from one place to anther place. It is always forecast by thought and therefore illusion.

Coach bri

It was with me for several days. The walk in the cool damp air or watching a movie, or any distraction I tried could rescue me from my self. The I was front and center, feeling the mercy of my own condition. Self was strong and doing everything it could to keep itself alive. The mind was simply perceiving what the brain’s occupation is, was, and will always be – hiding from the fact of its mechanical limitation, imposed by its own self-centered thinking. One wanted something and the brain was driven to distraction and still is.

When the brain caught a hold of it’s own self-centered movement of trying to put meaning to the state one was in, fear of death arose. This too needs to be watched for fear is self, ego, meeting the illusion of its own making. The brain then began to demand pleasure and wanting another distraction again – sex, food, comparison, or some petty belief about itself.

Nothing in nature is ambitious, but thought is always trying to become something as a means to find some security. Everything must be held, and paid attention to. As the evening slowly dies I sit by the fire and listen to the soft music. Yes, just another distraction.

Coach bri