CoachBri’s Blog

Before we begin, someone told me that you saved their career. They were a principal of a large school and you helped them get through their depression. I work with this person at the same school and I really like him. He is a good principal and I know he had some of the same struggles that I do. I want to know why I have lost all my zest for life. The kids are becoming harder and more difficult to teach. I used to love my work but now I find I struggle to come in every day and can’t wait to leave. At the end of the day I just want to sit down, eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed but sometimes I even fall asleep on the
couch.

Do you have anything else in your life that is going well, that inspires you?

Inspired? Yeah right! I used to resent all those teachers who were dead from the waist down, could never do anything extra for the students, and now I’m becoming one of them.

So you’re becoming one of them but you’re not there yet?

Almost!

So what’s holding you back from being a deadhead?

I don’t know. I guess in the summer I ran into an old principal and he introduced me to someone in a way that I have never heard myself described and it shocked me.

Was it something nice? Or was it hurtful?

It was nice but so much more!

How much more?

He spoke of me in a way that showed me he completely understood what I was doing with my students. Even though he was taking flak for it! His friend knew me or the situations I have been in because the old principal said to him, “This is the teacher I told you about – she’s the one I wish we could clone – she’s a gem”.

Wow! Those are pretty of admiring words! How did you choose to feel about such a compliment?

I was shocked at first but then I realized it was true….then!

But it isn’t now? What’s changed?

I did, I think!

So why did you do that?

I’m just tired of fighting all the time to be understood!

Who are you fighting?

Myself I guess!

Are you fighting for yourself or are you fighting to be understood?

Well, to be understood mainly I think.

Who do you want to be understood by?

The new principal!

Okay, so what’s the problem there?

You think it’s me right! This principal is a control freak. She spends most of her time dealing with rules, routines, and codes of conduct. This one student I have wouldn’t take his hat off in class which is against school policy and I’m supposed to kick him out if he doesn’t. I don’t care if the kid wears a hat in school or not. With this kid he’d even
take a suspension just to defy the rule because he thinks it’s a dumb rule and I think the kid is right.

You sound like you know this kid well. How does he get along in your class?

He’s great now. I took the fight away and listened to him. He does good work,
often in the 80’s.

Wow! You are a good teacher! I work with some of these kids too and I agree with you –they are capable of succeeding if you give them the chance.

If I had my old principal this wouldn’t even be a problem.

But you don’t and it is a problem! So what have you been doing to fix it?

Fighting with the principal I guess. That’s all I seem to do is fight with her.

Okay and is this making things better?

No! If only I could change schools then it would be a lot better and I
would be a lot better.

Well yes, for you but how about all those students at the school who
need someone to fight for them? What would happen to them? What do you think would happen to him?

He’d drop out! He’s a fighter!!!

And so are you! But did you win this kid over by fighting with him. Or
getting him to understand you?

No I didn’t fight with him!

So how then?

Oh so I’m not practicing what I preach! Well I guess you’re right – I’m a fool!

So how did you get this kid to change his behavior then?

I feel so foolish!

We need the passion of fools – they inspire us! So how then?

I worked at understanding him better

Okay, how much were you willing to understand him better?

That means I have to do all the changing!

Well, who’s the one that’s so unhappy with their life?

Well I am! That hat student that was miserable and he didn’t have to change so there! So why do I have to?

Who was miserable in the classroom with this kid?

He was!

So you were happy with him not learning anything in your class?

No! I guess I wasn’t if I’m honest. Why do I feel like I’m being tricked here!

Does it have anything to do with fooling yourself?

Maybe. Why would I do that?

Well, isn’t the whole point of self deception to not realize you’re deceiving yourself?

I guess so. However, how again am I deceiving myself?

How long did you wait to try and get an understanding of this kid and his defiance and trying to understand him?

Not very long at all.

How quickly did it improve?

Right away!

How quick did your attitude change about this kid?

As I said, right away!

But what changed in you?

I guess how I thought about it and how I treated him.

So how long do you want to keep feeling miserable with your principal?

I don’t. It’s a colossal waste of energy.

How long do you want to keep trying to get your principal to understand you?

That’s a waste to energy and I don’t have it.

How long do you think it would take for you to listen to your principal and get a better relationship going with her?

Well I don’t even like her!!!

I know! Do good teachers teach for themselves only?

No!

So who would you be doing it for?

For the students.

What kind of teachers creates good environments in their classrooms?

Great teachers!

What kind of teachers creates great relationships with their principal so that they can satisfy the needs of their students?

Smart, great teachers!!

Well, now you have a choice, the teacher I see and your old principal
sees or the misery you are now choosing.

This has been helpful. Thank you.

Helpful and hard, you have a big task ahead and like those students, you have to win that principal over. If you did, how would your situation teaching be different?

Well I think I’d be happier because I would get more opportunities to deal with the troubled students in effective ways I would feel a lot better about my job. I know that

Yes and I think you forgot it. If it doesn’t work out you can come and be miserable here and I’ll take your money. You can’t blame and complain about all the things you hear like your students. I’ll get rich off you and I’m sure I can find some shrink to give you a label to fit your misery so you don’t have to change.

That is so sad but so true.

Thanks again. I think I can handle this now. I will be back.

Well, you know where to find me. Good….

Good luck

No, good skill.

This has been pretty weird but thanks I feel so much better.

Coach Bri

There were about ten or eleven of them in a large gymnasium, pushing each other around on these little carts. One or two of them would get behind the other and push. Every time the driver would turn, three would go tumbling over the other and loud shrieking laughter would echo throughout the gym. To look and feel this gem of activity brought deep tears to my eyes and a large smile on my face. These children didn’t see color, race, sex or disability. They were enraptured in enjoyment.  One very little boy on the cart stopped all of a sudden and with the greatest attention became aware that the laughter had an echo and he gave out a loud yell. Soon all the others caught on and soon they were all yelling and listening. Then each gave the other a turn and the others listened and laughed.  The first boy on the cart became bored with it and again was off on his cart, soon being chased in tow by the others.

Innocent is how we all start out. Regardless of how bad our lives as children were, innocence finds a way to play and laugh. Even in the poorest conditions children will find a way to play, and find happiness. This is our natural state and we lose touch with it because the outside world moves in and we are brainwashed to believe the human experience is not enough, that we are incomplete in ourselves, and creation has left something out of the package.  Children who are genuinely happy don’t need anything external to be happy – they are too busy playing in the space of happiness.

Because we are pressured to become something, we grow up with the feeling we are not enough or something is wrong with us. The only option left is to conform to the wishes of our parents who, by the way, are already terribly unhappy because of the impositions of their parental and cultural conditioning.  They feel unhappy, and feel this huge void within themselves. Therefore they fill it with their parents conditioning then modify it a little and make it their own.

How do you know this is true? Because today we are a society of addicts we have to have a drink, smoke, sex, gamble, or become workaholics, sport-aholics, shopaholics, etc. People don’t see that the heart of addiction is to cover up the feel of the void within us. This void is created by our drug of choice. We all want to be happy, as we were as children, which is our natural state. But we use various addictions to cover up the fact we feel deprived.

Linked to the feeling of depravity is the feeling of inadequacy. This feeling is so deep in human beings and it is our greatest fear, the fear of being a nothing.  You smoke, drink, over sex, gamble, overeat, overwork, because you think doing these things will make you feel better. Well it does for that feeling of being deprived – a smoke, eating, or drinking something takes that feeling away. However, when the chemical has left the system, one must use again. Using is the closest thing to being in a natural of happiness. However, it is drug dependent and there is an illusion of happiness.  People who are not chemically addicted don’t walk around feeling deprived.   They don’t feel this huge void that addicts feel almost all the time.  As soon as the drug is out of their system, this feeling of void comes up.  So really the drug creates the void.

Religion, politics, and beliefs of any kind also cover up the deeper void created by our brainwashing.  The brainwashing that we are born inadequate is rooted in the fact that we try to fill a hole in ourselves with the product of thought and all the things that thinking has created. The universe was not created by our thinking process. Nor is love or nature created by thinking.  They are all realities independent of thinking. In order for us to develop and be whole human beings and reach our potential, we must have contact with a reality that is beyond thought. Then the next thing thought does is try to build a bridge to that other reality, which it can never do. Thus all human beings, when they are lonely, feel this deep sense of a void or insufficiency in themselves.

Our education creates children of the void.  Education in our culture is about stuffing in the things of thought, and the word education actually means to draw out. It is in the drawing out the illusions of self that there is really play and laughter, which is our natural state. To be innocent is to be free of all images about oneness and the other. In that innocence there is really joy. Watching these children was a deep blessing, and at the same time I wept for all those children who have to face the misery of this rotten society with its preoccupation with money and all its addictions.

Coach Bri

When raising your children it is always best not to expect them to deal with their internal problem by addicting to some external drug or substance. You can only request this when you aren’t hiding from your own pain through prescription drugs or self-medicating.

The worst parents are those who, when young, party their brains out, drive under the influence, and get caught up in all kinds of mischief. Then, when they have teens, they insist their children don’t do as they did, or worse, they try to hide it from them, or tell them they have been through all that and now know better so they better listen. This is an indication of the lack of relationship and our self-centered view of life.

In all situations dealing with children, compassion is the only movement that brings into view the leadership and guidance needed to grow character.

Children are taught to be bullies as a reaction to their forced conformity. This sets in motion the process of entitlement and leads to their reluctance and mediocrity, where video games, drugs and booze are the only place where they find refuge.

Kids need more relationship in the form of human contact, where they direct the process and learning, as caregivers determine the outcome.

Our schools must be a place where kids learn about relationship before anything else. Without relationship whatever they learn will act as a poison that builds their self-interest and will not nurture their talents. Education is the process of drawing out our gifts and sharing them with the world, while not oppressing anyone else’s gifts.

Coach bri