CoachBri’s Blog

She came in and was rather nervous. The load she was carrying was heavy, but she was strong and able to speak her mind. As she spoke, tears streamed down her face in silver lines. She was crying from her guts now, and I sat quietly and just felt her pain. She had suffered long and hard under the humiliation of a man who resents her for her womanhood. Her husband was like most men who need women, yet resent the fact that the woman doesn’t need him, and as she talked she was touching the heart of darkness between all men and women. I wanted so much to hold her and so much to touch her heart and lift her burden. I wanted to show her that happiness is her right and any man that doesn’t respect her happiness as much as his own is a bully and a tyrant. I spent several hours with her listening and allowing her to get it all out. It was the hardest thing to do because I too am this man. He is but an extreme example on my own conditioning and I felt exposed and unraveled. Men have been programmed to make sex the connecting tool to satisfy their sense of meaning and purpose in relation to women. Men who are raised in situations of conformity, criticism, and humiliation as a means of parenting grow into bullies. As teenagers they find their first experience with being loved and expect it from the first time, through the love of a woman. Then his controlling behaviors come out, and they always do when another male or interest the girlfriend has is seem. He feels insecure, giving rise to jealousy and he becomes possessive, and insistent on her conforming to his wishes. These behaviors happen in different degrees but women need to be aware of men who get jealous or possessive because they often make terrible husbands. As parents these men try to control their daughters or provide for them well but threaten them with removal or punishment by relinquishing things that they provide.

Threats are the choice of bullies, and they use them as a means to control others. The sad thing is that they quickly destroy the relationship by pushing people into different camps, creating wars between people.

This woman was at war and the war was being raged on her by a man who has no insight into himself, let alone into how to have a relationship with a women. These men are all about control, and humiliation through sexual demands or financial control. Men do this because they attack the core of the woman’s being, which is often their children. When what they want is not fulfilled, they go after their partner’s womanhood by taking their frustration out on their children or her home. So women suffer in silence, submitting, which reinforces the bullying behaviors and degrading her sense of integrity. With her integrity destroyed it is very hard to empower change. The word integrity means integrated and whole. When our core purpose for living in harmed and we are unable to behave in a way that creates remedies because of a bully, fear is awakened. You can’t love anything you fear, the two never go together. If only bullies could get that.

Coachbri