CoachBri’s Blog

Effective? Yes. Easy? No. BUT worth every grey hair

Raising children is not an exact science. It is a delicate dance between caregiver and child that sees a swaying and flexing on both sides to make the relationship work. From the very beginning we are communicating and teaching the skill of negotiating. If a baby’s needs are met, the baby will learn to trust. That sets the stage for healthy negotiating between caregiver and child.

Parenting does not have a strict set of rules that works for everyone. A parent has to be aware of their child’s individual needs and respond as supportively as possible to encourage healthy mental, emotional and physical health.

Each child comes with their own personality traits and may have different wants than another child. It is important to be in tune with what they want and attempt to satisfy these by meeting their needs.

Everyone has common needs for survival, love and belonging, fun, freedom, power but parents will discover that the degree to which you meet these will vary with each child depending on their expressed wants.

Since we, as parents have the first influence on our children, we do have a huge responsibility to set the tone for the development of healthy esteem.

Many of us have been raised with a psychology that says ‘father/mother knows best’ where the power balance is fully weighted on the parent’s side. Well internal psychology teaches us that individuals know what is best for them so we need to constantly inquire with our children to understand what they want.

To some degree we as parents do know what keeps a little one safe but you will be utterly amazed how quickly a young human being can make safe and appropriate decisions if you give them the information they need to do so.

If the caregiver can relinquish control and allow the child to have some power in decision making, this will increase the likelihood that the child will have success in achieving their own goals.

Children who are taught from a young age to make decisions and accept the consequences of their actions usually become teenagers who recognize the relationship between their behaviour and the resulting consequences.

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Brian,

If you can offer some advice on this problem I’m having that would be really appreciated.

So, theres this girl that I’ve been kinda seeing for the past few weeks, about a week ago she told me she is addicted to crystal meth. She says she wants to get off it and is trying to use less and less but if she doesn’t use she cant function at all and just lies in bed feeling like shit. Her theory is this, just use enough so she can do things like work etc and gradually get off it. I don’t think that will work. I can understand why she uses, she has a really troubled past with alot of abuse and other bad things happening to her, most of which is too painful for her to even talk about, so using is her way to block it all out and feel better even if only for a while. She is also on a bunch of prescribed medicine for depression, anxiety, and taking tranquilizers etc.

I want to help her but really don’t know what I can do. Whenever we are together, if we are having fun she is high and if she isn’t then she is just sleeping, or feeling really sick. Also since Ive been trying to help her by just being with her Ive been ignoring things I should be doing for myself which may sound a Little selfish but i feel like on one hand its too much for me to deal with but on the other I want to help her and cant just walk away, she doesn’t really have any friends or family that can help her.

If she doesn’t stop this will kill her.

Oh yea, when I was young my dad died from a drug overdose, that’s probably why this is really close to me.

Please help if you can.

Thankyou

Michael