CoachBri’s Blog

My Dear Friend Aimee,
The basic needs are there in everyone -we just meet them differently. What you witnessed is a person satisfying their power need in a way that harms their relationship. When people are disconnected like this guy was and is, this is how we treat people. This is what people do that are disconnected. Hitler, for example, was a troubled soul who came from a background of unmet needs. The shootings you hear about in schools are being carried out by disconnected teens. When people have no need to or can't satisfy their loving and belonging need, they often turn to violence. If their behavior is acted externally you see what you saw this guy do. If it is done internally, they attempt suicide. The sad thing is that this guy is a product of what our society has created, by the way we treat people, telling them to conform and live by external standards and punish and criticize them if they don't. We are all responsible for each other; it is awful what happened to this girl and what would make her choose to be with such a person. She will probably even defend him. You only have to look at her life and I can guarantee she would come from the same disconnected background. Human beings, the world over, act out of anger when their needs are not met. That is one of our favorite choices. You have only to look at your own life to see it. To be the change in the world is not to respond out of anger. Try and see how difficult it is – our external psychology is so strong!
You will understand this guy when you see how angry you are and how you disconnect when you are in pain. At any moment when we let our anger out on someone, they can give up on life, lose it on someone else or kill themselves. This is where change begins. This guy is just an extreme example of what is running around in our own hearts.
Coach bri