CoachBri’s Blog

To commit to something and see it through is a good and noble thing. The degree to which you are able to commit to your own growth is the degree to which you are able to commit to a relationship. So much of relationship today is based on mutual using of each other. Whether it be for growing one’s economic empire, for children to pass on the family name, sexual comfort or just for covering up one’s loneliness, it is all the same movement. Commitment has nothing to do with goals and self-seeking achievement. It is not taking advantage of another to exploit or to humiliate in order to control. Commitment isn’t in one area and then relaxed in another, based on one’s preferences or talent. To commit means to give the wholeness of one’s energy to the wholeness of life. It is to use whatever one does as a process of one’s own transformation from dependence to interdependence.

One hopes life offers one a break or resting place to catch one’s breath from the sorrow and turmoil of living. We can’t see that our sorrow and turmoil is caused by the lack of commitment to life and not wanting to change but to be left alone and remain indifferent to our own transformation. We would rather be successful and envied rather than be simple and loving. We have two directions in life: one is to follow the path of another and the other is to make our own path. To follow in someone’s path is to live a life of comparison and imitation, which is the denial of freedom.

Commitment is at the beginning and all the way through to the end. It means awareness of what one is doing, one’s thoughts, actions and intent. It is the agonizing look into the self-centered position one takes among all the turmoil and struggle. The journey is what makes us grow, the destination is only the point we come to when we think it is over and we have arrived.

To arrive spiritually or attain one’s goal is to feel as an imposter in one’s own life. It is the egocentric belief that gives accomplishments a value that is greater than the journey itself, thereby disguising one’s own insufficiency or insecurity behind the goal.

A happy life demands a commitment to educate the mind to something that thought can never attain, which is the wholeness of wisdom. Wisdom is putting your self in a vulnerable position without trying to be vulnerable. It is a movement of compassion that acts for the common good regardless of public opinion or ritual. Wisdom is found only in letting go and stepping into the unknown not as choice but as a real journeying into.

Coach Bri

When sex becomes the main thing

The sun felt warm on my back as I walked. The air was cool and high in the trees the crows were making a lot of noise. A large blue jay would listen to their noise, fly out to the top, give them a scowling look and then fly back to its perch, deep in the center of the large tree. The crows were quiet for a time, then they would begin again and the blue jay would again repeat his demands. After a few times, the crows seemed to give in to the blue jay and flew off. The blue jay returned to its perch again then I seemed to be the victim of his scowling.

We humans make demands from others because of lack of relationship. Sex becomes a demand from another out of our mundane, uncreative lives. When we are in the depth of our misery, sex with our self or from another becomes all important and poisons the environment by seeking release or outcome from a situation. Lurking in the activity of sex is our own insufficiency and orgasm or sex activity offers us a distraction. Sex for most of us is the only creative thing we have left in life and the fulfillment or orgasm takes our minds off all our daily problems. The way we are conditioned and our so called education is our identity and in it we are shallow human beings and pleasure becomes all important.

Coach bri

There were about ten or eleven of them in a large gymnasium, pushing each other around on these little carts. One or two of them would get behind the other and push. Every time the driver would turn, three would go tumbling over the other and loud shrieking laughter would echo throughout the gym. To look and feel this gem of activity brought deep tears to my eyes and a large smile on my face. These children didn’t see color, race, sex or disability. They were enraptured in enjoyment.  One very little boy on the cart stopped all of a sudden and with the greatest attention became aware that the laughter had an echo and he gave out a loud yell. Soon all the others caught on and soon they were all yelling and listening. Then each gave the other a turn and the others listened and laughed.  The first boy on the cart became bored with it and again was off on his cart, soon being chased in tow by the others.

Innocent is how we all start out. Regardless of how bad our lives as children were, innocence finds a way to play and laugh. Even in the poorest conditions children will find a way to play, and find happiness. This is our natural state and we lose touch with it because the outside world moves in and we are brainwashed to believe the human experience is not enough, that we are incomplete in ourselves, and creation has left something out of the package.  Children who are genuinely happy don’t need anything external to be happy – they are too busy playing in the space of happiness.

Because we are pressured to become something, we grow up with the feeling we are not enough or something is wrong with us. The only option left is to conform to the wishes of our parents who, by the way, are already terribly unhappy because of the impositions of their parental and cultural conditioning.  They feel unhappy, and feel this huge void within themselves. Therefore they fill it with their parents conditioning then modify it a little and make it their own.

How do you know this is true? Because today we are a society of addicts we have to have a drink, smoke, sex, gamble, or become workaholics, sport-aholics, shopaholics, etc. People don’t see that the heart of addiction is to cover up the feel of the void within us. This void is created by our drug of choice. We all want to be happy, as we were as children, which is our natural state. But we use various addictions to cover up the fact we feel deprived.

Linked to the feeling of depravity is the feeling of inadequacy. This feeling is so deep in human beings and it is our greatest fear, the fear of being a nothing.  You smoke, drink, over sex, gamble, overeat, overwork, because you think doing these things will make you feel better. Well it does for that feeling of being deprived – a smoke, eating, or drinking something takes that feeling away. However, when the chemical has left the system, one must use again. Using is the closest thing to being in a natural of happiness. However, it is drug dependent and there is an illusion of happiness.  People who are not chemically addicted don’t walk around feeling deprived.   They don’t feel this huge void that addicts feel almost all the time.  As soon as the drug is out of their system, this feeling of void comes up.  So really the drug creates the void.

Religion, politics, and beliefs of any kind also cover up the deeper void created by our brainwashing.  The brainwashing that we are born inadequate is rooted in the fact that we try to fill a hole in ourselves with the product of thought and all the things that thinking has created. The universe was not created by our thinking process. Nor is love or nature created by thinking.  They are all realities independent of thinking. In order for us to develop and be whole human beings and reach our potential, we must have contact with a reality that is beyond thought. Then the next thing thought does is try to build a bridge to that other reality, which it can never do. Thus all human beings, when they are lonely, feel this deep sense of a void or insufficiency in themselves.

Our education creates children of the void.  Education in our culture is about stuffing in the things of thought, and the word education actually means to draw out. It is in the drawing out the illusions of self that there is really play and laughter, which is our natural state. To be innocent is to be free of all images about oneness and the other. In that innocence there is really joy. Watching these children was a deep blessing, and at the same time I wept for all those children who have to face the misery of this rotten society with its preoccupation with money and all its addictions.

Coach Bri

At one of your talks you said that awareness is the seed of transformation! Can you please comment on this?

When we are talking about transformation we are not talking about a shift from one level of thinking to another higher level of thinking. Awareness is its own movement and without it we are practicing external psychology. External psychology based on choice is a method towards greater effectiveness but is still limited and can be full of its own self-centered activity. Self and its methods towards happiness, from religion, politics, meditative practice, to yoga, are all created by the thinking process. Therefore they are limited and a vain pursuit in meeting one’s own needs in a way that creates relative sense of order that leading to being well adjusted. To be well adjusted to a society that is violent and deeply self-centered is not healthy mentally. Awareness is something that can’t be sought or practiced; it is not the result of a vain activity to quiet the mind or bringing the body under submission. It is when quality is found in the mundane and boring. To be aware is to recognize your own irrationality and its effect on the environment and the environment’s effect on you. In whatever environment you are in, seeing how you are related to the persons, things or ideas, is to come to terms with what is. In that actuality there is transformation of self consciousness into a process not touched by thought. Only then is one in true freedom.

Human relationship through connection is what gives life meaning and purpose.

Human behavior is always looking for some means to an end. We are always wanting something and therefore we crave experience. The rich are tired and bored with their lives, and the poor are tired just trying to get enough to eat. Somewhere in all of this, loneliness is shared by all. The rich crave the most rare experiences, and set it as a status symbol, thinking that in that experience loneliness will be no longer. But soon after that outlandish experience, they are back again in their loneliness. The poor, being limited by poverty, ruthlessly seek spiritual experience as a means to cover up their loneliness. What is the cause of the loneliness we feel so deep in our hearts? Why are there so many people that suffer from it and are even controlled by it? They are often terrified to be alone.

It is interesting to know that the word ‘alone’ in the dictionary means ‘all one’. So the feeling of aloneness and the emotion of loneliness are two different things. Loneliness is a state in the brain aroused by thought. It is the state in which we crave experience. Human beings think that making experience better, more, wider, deeper, or faster, they will be able to kill or get rid of this feeling of emptiness which loneliness arises out of. We don’t seem to look deeper and see that experience is a self-centered movement; it makes for the strengthening the very center of the ego itself, which is who and what we have become. A human being, ambitious for spiritual experience, is no different than a human being seeking to be a millionaire or billionaire. Both are ruthless and self-serving, committed to something or some image that thought has put together.

By the very nature of the self-centered process, we cripple our relationships with each other, creating our own isolation. Experience is the building block of the self at its fundamental core. We have all been conditioned to live from that core and object to any other way of living. Human beings create the state of loneliness by addicting to experience, by the seeking of pleasure. Is not the promise of pleasure to give one experiences that feed the senses? This short period of time of sensual bliss soon gives rise to the feeling of being without, and one feels a sense of the void within. The void within, the center of the ego, craves a new experience to cover up the pain it is in. Pain is the source of all one’s appetites. When we feed this machinery, created by thought through experience, we waste our energy on superficial, meaningless activity and move closer to being more machine-like than human.

Each person is looking for a state of mind where all conflict has come to an end, where there is this sense of peace. Peace is not the absence of war. Peace is a movement of perception, which has nothing to so with thinking. It is, in itself, love in action without motive. In order for this state to come about, the very center of sensation must come to an end. Sensation, without a center, is pure and uncontaminated. With a center there is direction, motive, and experience that is full of pleasure or pain. Awareness of the whole movement of thought and all its tricks can set human beings on a different path. Only in that pure attention and observation can the core of self be dismantled. When pleasure and pain are seen for what they are, then the human being understands the peace of no self. Then one is free from motive, choice, and craving.

Living a life acquiring pleasure is to live a life of conflict. In conflict we create our own misery. This misery is the cycle of External Control Psychology. We identify with religion, money, position, and associate with people and organizations to cover up our deep sense of emptiness. When this doesn’t work we crave conflict to reinforce our own self-centeredness. This gives us the feeling we are alive by breeding the energy of conflict. The energy of conflict is the source of external control because it will go to any length to have power over other people. External control is creating images through experience and when that experience is painful, we blame the other for the image we have created about them, ourselves, and or the situation.

Very few people care about reaching their potential. That potential is the striping away of all the things that thought has convinced us are important and valuable. True value can only be established when one is free from all wanting. Then the need to understand is more important than the words you use, which is relationship.

Coach bri

The morning was just glorious. Small snowflakes fell straight down, touched only by stillness. They seemed to travel in slow motion, and fell so gently it was breathtaking. The sun would touch them higher in the sky and the flakes took on the suns golden light. As they landed on the ground they sank into the earth in a way such that they seemed to disappear before one’s eyes. This movement stayed for several minutes and then a small gust of wind would come and end the golden dance.

He was a very large man with big features and a strong Dutch accent. He knew why he had come and wanted to get to it. He had enormous hands and a defined jaw that seemed to go on forever, giving his face strength and character.

I have come about my daughter. She is not listening to me and is giving me so many headaches. She seems to be doing poorly at school, as well as not attending church and I am very concerned about her soul. She’s going to get the wrath of God. I have come to talk with you, as you know well an old friend of mine who talks about you in our discussions. He often quotes things you have told him and he holds you in high regard. I miss my old friend now that he is passed away. So I thought I would come to talk with you.

Well sir I too miss Henry. He was a good man!

Yes he was but his ideas and your influence seem to move him away from his church. But we all have our sins.

Sorry sir I don’t believe in sin! The etymological meaning is old and it meant “to miss the mark”! It was an archery term I believe.

So you don’t think there is EVIL?

Sir, all I know is that these words had a different meaning at one time and have a different meaning now. The word evil meant “to exceed due limits”. So I am saying Sir that to me, sin is a term that has its roots in missing the target or point of something. People who buy into sin, as a bad thing someone does to offend, means that they are conditioned by the propaganda of religion as a means to control. Sin has been invented to control people, to foster guilt in the human mind. Guilting people is a way people behave toward others to breed the feeling of humiliation in order to control. The human race is full of this process as a means of creating authority and judgment over others.

Well I believe people do evil to other people. And without knowing what sin is nothing makes any sense. Society would be corrupt if we didn’t have Sin and Evil as guideposts.

Sir I’m not trying to be rude but how much more evil do you want! 3% of the population of the earth owns 95% of the wealth. We have wars, poverty genocides, executives who ripped off millions of people and took bonuses. Also, we are becoming a drug addicted culture. We are destroying the environment. We are losing one animal species every day.

Okay! Okay! Okay ! I get your point. You are starting to sound like my daughter. Look, I am an uneducated man. We must have some sense of morality, otherwise we would live in chaos.

Sir, if you don’t mind, we are in chaos because each human mind is trying to be psychologically secure. The pursuit of that is what causes global insecurity.

I don’t see that! How do you mean?

Inwardly man is insecure, and therefore he lives out of his insecurity, he identifies with the outside.

I don’t do that!

Sir, are you not identifying with your daughter’s behavior?

In what sense?

If she acts in accordance with what you think is right for her, she is a good daughter and if not she is messed up. Right, sir? You think you are your religion, the flag , your personal beliefs, the car you drive, the money in your bank account! All of that defines you!

Okay, okay, okay! This is really telling me everything with my daughter is my fault.

No sir. How does fault finding bring you closer to your daughter? You are responsible for how you treat your daughter, not how she treats you. This is a fact, no?

I know what you are saying is true but it is so overwhelming.

Because sir you came here out of an image and I have shattered it. That is all!

I feel so lost when it comes to my daughter … what to do with her.

Yes sir, but what are you doing now?

I just show my disapproval.

How sir?

I grounded her, took her phone away, stuff like that!

So you punish her. How does punishing her allow you the chance to get connected to her?

She must see that she is wrong. It is my job as a parent.

How does punishing connect you to your daughter?

She is doing these things that are immoral and against God.

And when you punish her … how connected do you feel?

Well, then I am in trouble with her and my wife!

So how does punishing her get you closer to her and your wife?

My wife is another story!

So how does punishing her bring the three of you closer?

Damn you! Why are you playing these tricks with me?

What is the trick?

I don’t have to answer your question if I don’t want too.

Yes I know that, I can’t make you do anything! It is your choice to answer! Does your daughter answer your questions or is she like you and choose what to answer and what not too?

Well I punish her until she answers them.

So you get the answer?

No!

I didn’t think so! So the punishment isn’t working for you then?

Damn! No it is not! (as he pounds his fist into his other hand) What are you, a mind reader?

If I was a mind reader I wouldn’t have to ask you questions, I would just read your mind! I don’t think it works that way. You see I would like you to get along better with your daughter and I think you would be happier.

I think I would too. But she does so many bad things!

Yes I know but when does she do more bad things?

That’s easy – when I try to discipline her!

Can I make a suggestion?

Yes!

Why don’t you let your wife handle the discipline for a while?

She is too soft and gentle with her.

How do they get along when you’re not there?

My wife tells me that she is better when I’m not there. But that is my daughter’s manipulation. My wife is too easygoing.

What happens if your wife is right and they are better off when you are not there?

Well she is probably right!

Now what make you say that?

When I come in they are always talking and laughing, then things go quiet.

So what does that tell you?

I am not connected to her as you said. But I want to be!
(Large tears filled his deep, massive eyes. His face seemed to change and one could feel his sadness and his embarrassment at the same time. We sat is silence for several moments and he choked out some apology.)

Sir it is fine. You are safe here. You can cry if you like.

I don’t cry!

Well apparently you do and it shows you have the potential to be a good father.

I thought I was!

Yes sir I know! But we all must keep growing sir and facing our life with new learning. I think you are capable of learning because you notice how they have fun when you not around. When is the last time you have done something with you and your daughter, just the two you?

A couple of years!

What happened?

She just lost interested in the farm. She used to always come and help me in the barn. We have horses and she loved them but now nothing! No interest!

Well can you do something with her that she loves and even if you hate it, go and pretend you like it? Just find something that you can do with her and maybe your wife too and stop all disciplining her. Let your wife do it.

Okay I will try.

And come back and see me next week.

Yes I will do that!

Thank you!

You’re welcome!

Coach bri

The gust of wind could be heard in the distance through the sound of the trees. The tall evergreens, full with their green needles, made a soft hiss. The maples without their leaves made a harder sound, more of a whipping sound. The cars passing by on the road seemed to be moving a lot slower as if the drivers were taking their time in the hot spring evening. Behind me the cat was in a full prowl looking for anything – a moving leaf, a small twig or a mouse. The sky was full of stars and these heavenly bodies were surrounded by vast space that seemed so empty.

Everything that is made of substance in nature seems to reach it potential and die. Mankind is the only thing in nature that creates psychological substances such as beliefs, opinions and attitudes that prevent relationship, which is a hindrance to compassion and love.

Space is holding everything together. When we have too much mass physically it takes huge amounts of energy to fuel our mass. Psychologically we have a huge amount of content pertaining to our self or ego and we become so tired and worn out from maintaining our beliefs and identifications. Everything needs space to exist. Mass is energy, and yet emptiness contains more energy than mass. Everything in the universe is held together by emptiness. If man could only empty his person or subjective mind he would be a new creature, capable of love and compassion that would feed the hungry and care for the disadvantaged. When thought is put in its place, the brain is quiet, attentive and rich. That richness is the ending of all his psychological problems. One is out of the confines of the subjective mind. To be free from this mind you must understand how you are caught. To see how you are caught is to see your violence to another, your interaction with your spouse, child, family member or neighbor. It is also to be able to see the importance you place on material things such as the house you want or have, the car you drive, your money, property and how it is still superficial. To see your identifications of the ego in the violence of accumulation of beliefs, opinions, ideas, and ideals is to cut the very root of the ego itself. Very few people want to go beyond thinking because they must let go of the known. That known, which creates self or the subjective mind, is fear itself, trapped in time.

Coach bri

Ask a man what he thinks and you give him honor and friendship. Ask him what he feels and he looks at you like you have two heads. I have watched this subtle meanness for some time now. It is sad and so deeply conditioned and causes so much unneeded suffering. It is common and practiced by uneducated as well as the so called educated. Most men wouldn’t be able to say much to each other if they didn’t practice this in all its subtle forms. Men are wounded and hide their hurt in so many sophisticated ways. Most men use humor to cover it up. If you listen to men in social situations, the last thing they would talk about or are even interested in talking about is their feelings. If they do they are classified as being ladylike, homosexual, girly, wussy, a fag, or a pansy. Men like the conversation to be either light and fun or intellectual. It is here where they feel safe. If you watch a group of men together with so-called friends, you will see how they joke with each other. Some of it is just in fun, light and not too personal. But unfortunately men have been deeply conditioned to establish their dominance in a situation. This is woven into our genes and comes out in most men as a means to satisfy their need for power. All men don’t learn this, particularly if they have been raised without power-tripping parents who let kids choose and learn. Or some boys questioned at a young age and have sorted out the fact that they don’t like being controlled by others so they don’t try to control others. These men make good husbands and great dads because they put relationship before intellect. They feel as well as think but feeling rules not thinking. Therefore they do things to keep the closeness and relationship strong.

Coach bri