When we are talking about transformation we are not talking about a shift from one level of thinking to another higher level of thinking. Awareness is its own movement and without it we are practicing external psychology. External psychology based on choice is a method towards greater effectiveness but is still limited and can be full of its own self-centered activity. Self and its methods towards happiness, from religion, politics, meditative practice, to yoga, are all created by the thinking process. Therefore they are limited and a vain pursuit in meeting one’s own needs in a way that creates relative sense of order that leading to being well adjusted. To be well adjusted to a society that is violent and deeply self-centered is not healthy mentally. Awareness is something that can’t be sought or practiced; it is not the result of a vain activity to quiet the mind or bringing the body under submission. It is when quality is found in the mundane and boring. To be aware is to recognize your own irrationality and its effect on the environment and the environment’s effect on you. In whatever environment you are in, seeing how you are related to the persons, things or ideas, is to come to terms with what is. In that actuality there is transformation of self consciousness into a process not touched by thought. Only then is one in true freedom.

It is interesting to know that the word ‘alone’ in the dictionary means ‘all one’. So the feeling of aloneness and the emotion of loneliness are two different things. Loneliness is a state in the brain aroused by thought. It is the state in which we crave experience. Human beings think that making experience better, more, wider, deeper, or faster, they will be able to kill or get rid of this feeling of emptiness which loneliness arises out of. We don’t seem to look deeper and see that experience is a self-centered movement; it makes for the strengthening the very center of the ego itself, which is who and what we have become. A human being, ambitious for spiritual experience, is no different than a human being seeking to be a millionaire or billionaire. Both are ruthless and self-serving, committed to something or some image that thought has put together.

By the very nature of the self-centered process, we cripple our relationships with each other, creating our own isolation. Experience is the building block of the self at its fundamental core. We have all been conditioned to live from that core and object to any other way of living. Human beings create the state of loneliness by addicting to experience, by the seeking of pleasure. Is not the promise of pleasure to give one experiences that feed the senses? This short period of time of sensual bliss soon gives rise to the feeling of being without, and one feels a sense of the void within. The void within, the center of the ego, craves a new experience to cover up the pain it is in. Pain is the source of all one’s appetites. When we feed this machinery, created by thought through experience, we waste our energy on superficial, meaningless activity and move closer to being more machine-like than human.

Each person is looking for a state of mind where all conflict has come to an end, where there is this sense of peace. Peace is not the absence of war. Peace is a movement of perception, which has nothing to so with thinking. It is, in itself, love in action without motive. In order for this state to come about, the very center of sensation must come to an end. Sensation, without a center, is pure and uncontaminated. With a center there is direction, motive, and experience that is full of pleasure or pain. Awareness of the whole movement of thought and all its tricks can set human beings on a different path. Only in that pure attention and observation can the core of self be dismantled. When pleasure and pain are seen for what they are, then the human being understands the peace of no self. Then one is free from motive, choice, and craving.

Living a life acquiring pleasure is to live a life of conflict. In conflict we create our own misery. This misery is the cycle of External Control Psychology. We identify with religion, money, position, and associate with people and organizations to cover up our deep sense of emptiness. When this doesn’t work we crave conflict to reinforce our own self-centeredness. This gives us the feeling we are alive by breeding the energy of conflict. The energy of conflict is the source of external control because it will go to any length to have power over other people. External control is creating images through experience and when that experience is painful, we blame the other for the image we have created about them, ourselves, and or the situation.

Very few people care about reaching their potential. That potential is the striping away of all the things that thought has convinced us are important and valuable. True value can only be established when one is free from all wanting. Then the need to understand is more important than the words you use, which is relationship.

Coach bri

He was a very large man with big features and a strong Dutch accent. He knew why he had come and wanted to get to it. He had enormous hands and a defined jaw that seemed to go on forever, giving his face strength and character.

I have come about my daughter. She is not listening to me and is giving me so many headaches. She seems to be doing poorly at school, as well as not attending church and I am very concerned about her soul. She’s going to get the wrath of God. I have come to talk with you, as you know well an old friend of mine who talks about you in our discussions. He often quotes things you have told him and he holds you in high regard. I miss my old friend now that he is passed away. So I thought I would come to talk with you.

Well sir I too miss Henry. He was a good man!

Yes he was but his ideas and your influence seem to move him away from his church. But we all have our sins.

Sorry sir I don’t believe in sin! The etymological meaning is old and it meant “to miss the mark”! It was an archery term I believe.

So you don’t think there is EVIL?

Sir, all I know is that these words had a different meaning at one time and have a different meaning now. The word evil meant “to exceed due limits”. So I am saying Sir that to me, sin is a term that has its roots in missing the target or point of something. People who buy into sin, as a bad thing someone does to offend, means that they are conditioned by the propaganda of religion as a means to control. Sin has been invented to control people, to foster guilt in the human mind. Guilting people is a way people behave toward others to breed the feeling of humiliation in order to control. The human race is full of this process as a means of creating authority and judgment over others.

Well I believe people do evil to other people. And without knowing what sin is nothing makes any sense. Society would be corrupt if we didn’t have Sin and Evil as guideposts.

Sir I’m not trying to be rude but how much more evil do you want! 3% of the population of the earth owns 95% of the wealth. We have wars, poverty genocides, executives who ripped off millions of people and took bonuses. Also, we are becoming a drug addicted culture. We are destroying the environment. We are losing one animal species every day.

Okay! Okay! Okay ! I get your point. You are starting to sound like my daughter. Look, I am an uneducated man. We must have some sense of morality, otherwise we would live in chaos.

Sir, if you don’t mind, we are in chaos because each human mind is trying to be psychologically secure. The pursuit of that is what causes global insecurity.

I don’t see that! How do you mean?

Inwardly man is insecure, and therefore he lives out of his insecurity, he identifies with the outside.

I don’t do that!

Sir, are you not identifying with your daughter’s behavior?

In what sense?

If she acts in accordance with what you think is right for her, she is a good daughter and if not she is messed up. Right, sir? You think you are your religion, the flag , your personal beliefs, the car you drive, the money in your bank account! All of that defines you!

Okay, okay, okay! This is really telling me everything with my daughter is my fault.

No sir. How does fault finding bring you closer to your daughter? You are responsible for how you treat your daughter, not how she treats you. This is a fact, no?

I know what you are saying is true but it is so overwhelming.

Because sir you came here out of an image and I have shattered it. That is all!

I feel so lost when it comes to my daughter … what to do with her.

Yes sir, but what are you doing now?

I just show my disapproval.

How sir?

I grounded her, took her phone away, stuff like that!

So you punish her. How does punishing her allow you the chance to get connected to her?

She must see that she is wrong. It is my job as a parent.

How does punishing connect you to your daughter?

She is doing these things that are immoral and against God.

And when you punish her … how connected do you feel?

Well, then I am in trouble with her and my wife!

So how does punishing her get you closer to her and your wife?

My wife is another story!

So how does punishing her bring the three of you closer?

Damn you! Why are you playing these tricks with me?

What is the trick?

I don’t have to answer your question if I don’t want too.

Yes I know that, I can’t make you do anything! It is your choice to answer! Does your daughter answer your questions or is she like you and choose what to answer and what not too?

Well I punish her until she answers them.

So you get the answer?

No!

I didn’t think so! So the punishment isn’t working for you then?

Damn! No it is not! (as he pounds his fist into his other hand) What are you, a mind reader?

If I was a mind reader I wouldn’t have to ask you questions, I would just read your mind! I don’t think it works that way. You see I would like you to get along better with your daughter and I think you would be happier.

I think I would too. But she does so many bad things!

Yes I know but when does she do more bad things?

That’s easy – when I try to discipline her!

Can I make a suggestion?

Yes!

Why don’t you let your wife handle the discipline for a while?

She is too soft and gentle with her.

How do they get along when you’re not there?

My wife tells me that she is better when I’m not there. But that is my daughter’s manipulation. My wife is too easygoing.

What happens if your wife is right and they are better off when you are not there?

Well she is probably right!

Now what make you say that?

When I come in they are always talking and laughing, then things go quiet.

So what does that tell you?

I am not connected to her as you said. But I want to be!
(Large tears filled his deep, massive eyes. His face seemed to change and one could feel his sadness and his embarrassment at the same time. We sat is silence for several moments and he choked out some apology.)

Sir it is fine. You are safe here. You can cry if you like.

I don’t cry!

Well apparently you do and it shows you have the potential to be a good father.

I thought I was!

Yes sir I know! But we all must keep growing sir and facing our life with new learning. I think you are capable of learning because you notice how they have fun when you not around. When is the last time you have done something with you and your daughter, just the two you?

A couple of years!

What happened?

She just lost interested in the farm. She used to always come and help me in the barn. We have horses and she loved them but now nothing! No interest!

Well can you do something with her that she loves and even if you hate it, go and pretend you like it? Just find something that you can do with her and maybe your wife too and stop all disciplining her. Let your wife do it.

Okay I will try.

And come back and see me next week.

Yes I will do that!

Thank you!

You’re welcome!

Coach bri

Everything that is made of substance in nature seems to reach it potential and die. Mankind is the only thing in nature that creates psychological substances such as beliefs, opinions and attitudes that prevent relationship, which is a hindrance to compassion and love.

Space is holding everything together. When we have too much mass physically it takes huge amounts of energy to fuel our mass. Psychologically we have a huge amount of content pertaining to our self or ego and we become so tired and worn out from maintaining our beliefs and identifications. Everything needs space to exist. Mass is energy, and yet emptiness contains more energy than mass. Everything in the universe is held together by emptiness. If man could only empty his person or subjective mind he would be a new creature, capable of love and compassion that would feed the hungry and care for the disadvantaged. When thought is put in its place, the brain is quiet, attentive and rich. That richness is the ending of all his psychological problems. One is out of the confines of the subjective mind. To be free from this mind you must understand how you are caught. To see how you are caught is to see your violence to another, your interaction with your spouse, child, family member or neighbor. It is also to be able to see the importance you place on material things such as the house you want or have, the car you drive, your money, property and how it is still superficial. To see your identifications of the ego in the violence of accumulation of beliefs, opinions, ideas, and ideals is to cut the very root of the ego itself. Very few people want to go beyond thinking because they must let go of the known. That known, which creates self or the subjective mind, is fear itself, trapped in time.

Coach bri

Coach bri

Coach bri

Sir there is a difference between hormones and love.

Well, how can I tell the difference.?

You see your girlfriend sir or a beautiful woman. Her lovely curves and her walk, her smile, her features right sir? Do you get it!

Yes, okay!

Now there is seeing her, then there is a sensation. Then what sir?

I don’t know! Wanting her I guess?

No sir, that comes in later.

You see a nice car, powerful, nice structure and interior and all this is sensation, right?

Okay, same thing as the girl!

Yes, then what? Your thought catches hold of the sensation, turns it into pleasure, then comes desiring for, or wanting for it, etc. Right? Do you see it?

Yes, yes I do!

That is not love sir. It is hormones. What happens then sir?

I have to have her or that thing I desire.

Yes it becomes an appetite, and if you feed it, it grows and you’re used to it and you’re occupied with it all the time. Right sir?

Well they say a man thinks about sex every three minutes.

If you have a superficial mind, then perhaps. But why do we give so much importance to pleasure sir and sex, wanting and all this. Why?

That is a very deep question!

I don’t think so. It is very easy to see why I give such great importance to pleasure.

Well not to me it isn’t!

Why not?

I guess I am frightened to find out.

Yes, which means what?

Just that! I frightened.

Yes but why? Is it because human beings are so attached to pleasure it is the predominate thing in our lives and it is all we know and have conditioned ourselves to it and there we are attached. Therefore we are afraid to give up our attachment because it is a form of keeping us occupied so we don’t have to face ourselves?

That’s a lot to deal with.

Of course.

Why don’t they teach us this in school? I’m in my 20’s and here I am learning about this stuff. It kinda bothers me.

We receive so much education on how to make a living – which job to take, how to be a good consumer. We receive very little education on how to live.

Well that is for sure. But why?

Because sir society operates in the interest of the rich. The rich are good at making money. The educated are good at fitting into the economic environment but that does not make them wise sir! Surely we can see that. I see it in the politicians. The way they behave on TV, they act as children and they are about covering their butts. Just like the doctor who thinks he or she is the letters after their name.

It is all a mask – is that what you’re saying?

More than a mask sir. We really believe in the things created by thought. Now can we get back to something sir?

Yes of course.

Why do we make sex into this huge business, when all of nature is doing it? The animals to are doing it. It is just part of living. Human beings are the only ones who have made it into a big deal. If we are not sexual we will go to a therapist to find out why we are oversexed or undersexed. And today we want to be erect for hours, right sir, we can take a pill. The pharmaceutical companies are now involved in the bedrooms. It is appalling what is becoming of us! A drug to get more pleasure and soon pleasure will become the only thing human beings are interested in.

That would be very damaging if that happens.

Sir it is all ready happening. We are now facing a very dangerous place in our history. Drugs are getting into our genetics and creating people who have no regard or compassion for anyone. They indiscriminately inflict emotional damage, violence or kill another with no remorse.

So are you saying those human beings are drugging themselves to a point where they don’t care?

No sir! What I am saying is that I have lived with over a hundred teenagers and once in a while you would get a kid who was psychopathic. But there are countless young people where drugs have affected their brain chemistry and they are incapable of feeling remorse. Their parents have taken drugs for most of their lives and they produce children whose brain development is impaired. Now those children are now on drugs and raising children who are drug dependent.

This is awful!

Yes sir and the whole thing is fueled by pleasure sir, to escape responsibility.

And responsibility is??

To be a free human being sir! A light on to your own path, to be compassionate and have love. Not the love that is going to be jealous or controlling, but a love that nurtures independence.

That is so true! Why am I so jealous in relationships?

Because you are insecure and self-centered! Sorry sir but all jealousy is the emotional content of losing something you are attached to for sex , amusement , so many things that cripple the relationship.

Don’t hold anything back! But I get it! I should thank you really.

So I guess you would say that to say I love someone is a little crazy.

I don’t know sir! When we first are in love, the space in us that we call love is touched. That is what all the fuss is about. Now that space has nothing to do with the stream of self-centeredness that is the heart of the ego.

Ok, I think I get that – then love isn’t personal then!

How do you see that?

Well if it is part of being self-centered, that can’t have anything to do with love.

Yes Sir! Drugs, drink, smoke, they are all about pleasure and that is self-centeredness in action. Sex is a small affair, and without love, sex becomes such an ugly thing. If you are thinking about it all the time, it is best not to have it. Sex without love is pleasure, have it or not but don’t make it into a big deal. Sir, there are places in the world where sex is the only thing they have because their minds are so burdened by ritual and tradition. Sex becomes important for a person whose mind is superficial and narrow. So many people have good sex and then want it that way the next time, which only poisons the experience. It is like going the beach and seeing an amazing sunset. The next night you go and want the sunset to give you the same feeling as the night before. That is self-centered sir, do you see it?

Yes! I must tell you that I have been to several people over the last 14 months, a psychiatrist in London and a psychologist in town. I feel that you are real, that I am not a patient. What you say turns me inside out. But when I leave you, your words stick with me.

Yes sir! You are not afraid to listen, that is all sir! It has nothing to do with me!

Then why don’t the other people I see help me?

Because they are afraid sir to listen. They hide behind their degrees sir! Finding how to live has nothing to do with a degree. Degrees are about fitting in, about conformity. To conform is to be violent; it is to shape the mind. The mind goes to pieces when it is shaped by any bias. A biased mind is looking after its own best interest. Not yours sir!

Thank you!

No sir, thank you!

Coach bri

I am often asked by teachers, “What are some of the things that I can do to continue what you’re doing in my class?” This is a very difficult question to answer because they’re not me and I’m not them. But what each teacher has to do is to remove all coercion from the classroom. The emphasis of the teacher must be on building a comfortable environment and a healthy relationship with the students. At-risk students are at risk students because of unmet needs in their life. The unmet needs that they have experienced (which most are unaware of) flow out of the poor relationships in their lives with their parents and other adults. If you come from a family where mom and dad who didn’t have good parenting skills (for those lucky enough to have a mom and dad), then this sets the ground for trouble.

Many at-risk youth that I deal with are disconnected from the thoughts, feelings and behaviors in their relationships. Often the behaviors they use as a defense are the same ones practiced by their parents because of their ineffective relationships with their children. You often hear these students say that they are picked on; this sense of being picked on comes from a perception that the world is a hostile place. Because of this sense of hostility, they are just trying to survive and therefore are not really accountable for their behavior. The second defense used by kids is often blame. Blame is used so that a person doesn’t have to be responsible for their actions. Another popular defense mechanism for youth at-risk is criticism. Criticizing as a behavior gives the person using the behavior a chance to feel that they have some power in that situation. Therefore many at-risk students use criticism as a way of hurting others to protect themselves. Really it is the idea that “I will get you before you get me”. Another defense is the defense of the victim. Here the student uses what he does as a tool of revenge to justify his behavior. Keeping it as a justification prevents the person from self-evaluating their destructive behavior. Another defense these at risk students use is denial. This behavior is very difficult to deal with because it doesn’t allow the teacher to process with the student their involvement in the present situation. This prevents the setting of limits needed to keep everybody safe. Another tactic used by at risk youth is withdrawal. Here the person totally shuts down and tunes out and uses their tuning out to avoid the chance of looking at behavioral change or choices within a situation.

These disconnected students practice these external control behaviors and are masters at it. As a matter of fact, they’re so good at it it takes enormous strength and courage to deal with these behaviors in a group setting. All of these behaviors set up by at risk student to engage the teacher in a power struggle. If this is accomplished, conflict will be produced as well as the confirmation that all adults are useless. Teachers need to understand that these troubled students are experts at what they do. By perpetuating disconnected relationships, both the teacher and the student do not have to self-evaluate and look at the choices they are making in the relationship together to get along. What really is happening in the situation of conflict is people have moved away from behaviors that meet their needs. Conflict quickly comes to an end when one person gives up the fight and puts the relationship ahead of the conflict. To become emotional in a situation with a student renders the teacher helpless because they soon become part of the problem.

External control psychology practiced by students in a classroom has four basic premises. The first premise is reacting to information and convincing them that they have no choice. The second premise is when things go wrong, blame others for the miserable way they feel in the learning environment. The third is trying to change the learning environment so that success or ineffectiveness is not tied to the choices that the student is making but rather how the environment isn’t changing for the student. The fourth premise is worked out in the classroom when the teacher tries to use coercion, to tell the student that the teacher knows what’s best for them. The student practices back this fourth premise by trying to convince the teacher that what they’re teaching is useless to them and, more importantly, not worth knowing. When any of these four premises are practiced in the classroom (and I believe many times they are), the environment becomes a battleground. Teachers spend most of their time trying to put out fires in relationships and less time teaching.

What I was discussing was violence at school and we discussed the latest shooting in Finland, I asked the class how they felt about it. One young man replied he thought the whole thing was hysterical. He was quickly challenged by his peers and criticized heavily for saying what he said. This disconnected youth was a master at setting up conflicts within the classroom as a means to satisfy his need for power. Not taking the information personally, I asked this student to describe to me what was hysterical about the situation. As soon as he had the floor he used the behavior of withdrawing to set up the next power struggle. When the youth saw that I was interested in what he thought because he thought it and wasn’t interested in criticizing him for what he thought, he had a difficulty dealing with the information. He didn’t know where to go from there. In that situation I rescued the student by saying that in this classroom you can think what you want to think and say what you want to say. I also stated that I’m interested in how you think and also how you feel and whenever you want to share, please feel free to do so.

As I said earlier, these at-risk youth are way better at disconnecting then we are at connecting and that’s what the problem is. My advice to any teacher is to always ind new and better ways to connect with the student. Remove all external psychology from the classroom and create an atmosphere to satisfy the needs. And show kindness and compassion in the most difficult times. At the same time, let the student know what you stand for as a person and what you’re willing to live with, what you’re going to ask them to do and what you will not ask them to do. This is setting limits and boundaries for students. Structure allows the student to find themselves in the classroom, as long as the relationship comes first and the structure second.

Coach bri

Sitting in the evening there was still a storm over London. And from the distance the clouds would light up the sky. The night was full and rich with cool moist air. The stars in the sky were bright with deep darkness around them. The contrast between them was strong. To the south the storm and its light show and the star-covered sky to the north was intoxicating. My mind drifted to God and this marvelous earth and how we are killing it. I thought of all the things on the planet that are as beautiful as this evening and caught myself asking God to give me some sign of its existence. I then thought NO! How can I be as arrogant as that? If there was a God, how could all these things that happen to people, the war, murder and the organized madness of war, be permitted by a supreme being? And here I sit in this wealthy country, looking at the evening sky. How will my next day be of any use other than to myself? The proof I wanted melted away and I thought of what proof I can give to show God, or that order or intelligence, my commitment to it. How will my today and tomorrow be of any use to the millions that suffer because of religious or political beliefs that keep us all separate and divided? I am so sick of myself and my own judgment of others and how deeply, inwardly, my self has so little love and is the cause of conflict and my petty wars within me. The question ‘What will tomorrow bring?’ is so full of self-interest. What I do tomorrow for my fellow man is the only thing that sets up in me a chance to feel a deep sense of peace. How often I fail the calling of my own heart, to heal when I can, to love and be kind, to help another with their burden.

Coach bri