CoachBri’s Blog

Poem by Coach bri

Photo by Peter Luke

Poem by Coach Bri

Photo by Peter Luke

I have been away for some time and have not been able to make it to the Friday night group. For those of you who are interested, I want to tell you why I feel it is so important.

The Friday night meeting is held at John and Sandy Masskant’s, whose loving friendship and thoughtful giving have allowed many people the opportunity to connect. They also help run workshops and provide so much to the attendees. They are friendly people who don’t judge other people’s lives, and allow them to be who they are.

For the past ten years, the people of Friday night group have welcomed people in a special way, identifying for people how they suffer like other people. People at Friday night group build an environment for others to be straight and honest, questioning their own experience to discover the drama and pretense of there own condition. Little is said behind people’s backs at these meetings. It is said to their faces and, in a way, that invites sharing and seeing how things in their lives cause them pain and anxiety. When I’m not there I miss the people and the push to find a wholly different way to live. .

To heal the brain from the damage of external control psychology, one must be able to pull out of oneself and look at the mess we are in inside and face the pain of it. What is amazing when you do that is the pain you thought was going to be so bad, isn’t. What happens when you break the illusion of your self-inflicted misery is that you untie a knot or bundle within the brain and great amounts of energy are released. This energy is freedom and in that freedom needs and wants subside. In that state love and friendship is, which is the act of real healing. .

Coach bri

Hey Brian, I ran across this article: http://www.slate.com/id/2133226/
Basically it says that the amount of violent outbreaks in the world is decreasing. How would you explain this in light of the kind of stuff we talk about during Friday night discussions?
Peter

I had a rather interesting Friday night group on Nov. 11 /05. The best thing about this was I was caught without significant authority in the discussion around what is reality. It has lead me today to look and discuss something about finding out what is the most inportant thing in my life. First of all I don’t even know how to find out such a thing. BUT at the end of my life as I gasp for my last breath, what do I want to be thinking? Have I lived a true life? Or have I lived through someone else’s knowledge? What is a meaningful life and what isn’t, based on what the outside world deems as right good, noble, true? Do I have relationship? Do I have a healthy effect on people and they on me. Or have I just been overpowered by the violence and purposlessness of the world?

Being married, which is a convention, I choose because of a chemical attraction and a closeness to a women that for some reason I claim to love yet we treat each other poorly at times, with great indifference. As we age I feel a gap growing and at times I feel I miss the call of love for love of myself.

Not knowing why I seem to be caught in this prison of my own making and have forgotten the way I came in and how the hell to get out. All the things that I once held sacred aren’t. Nature seem to be the only thing that truly is amazing but I also feel indifferent to her. As a parent I think that the real thing I have taught my children is the illusions I have managed to see through myself and possibly have infected them with the seeds of of my own discontentment.

These questions I feel must be ansewered so that I can truly be as I am not what I have made of myself. I see that the self I have made is according to some thing to fit into something and that really ends up being a lot of nothing. To be authentic means to be as I am, natural, with needs taking in information and not poisoning information with thought. To discover what one really wants of their life is to see one’s own self interest, that is the perfume or the stink that permeates all one’s activities. To remain inspired through life is to hold in one’s mind questions that unravel the burden of human existence. This each human brain must do without force and with urgency.

We have to be somewhat serious if we want to be free. One has to be willing to go into oneself at great depth to understand the selfishness that is destroying everything.

The present psychology of humankind is external control psychology. This psychology is the present world psychology that ties all our suffering together. In other words, because we practice this psychology, which is the movement of our own selfish interest, we suffer and inflict suffering on others when our demands and controlling behaviours do not get us what we want in any situation. We all practice external control psychology and it is seen in every aspect in our lives because it is all about us, both our pleasure and our pain.

The external part of external psychology is who we think we are and has been gathered from the outside, through the process of identification. Self is the center of external psychology. Its identifications are either imposed by society or by its own experience to find a safe, secure and absolute haven where it is right, moral and good. We have been imposed upon by religious masters, gurus, psychologists and politicians for centuries and the planet has never been free of war. War is the outcome of you and me living an external psychology on each other, setting our own interest first and finding new and better self-help ways to refine our barbarianism.

Self is a movement from the outside because it is actually external to us. We are not born addicted to anything. What we are addicted to is imposed from the outside. Nationality, race, culture, religion, or even level of education, are the identifications of external psychology and then that is who we think we are. Self is but a shadow of the external content we cling to, to put meaning and purpose to our lives because inside we are dead, lonely and bored. It is by playing out some drama or keeping ourselves entertained that we never have to confront our self-centered existence. Only when one can understand the movement of external control, which is the psychology of self, can one come into contact with a true internal movement that uses thought in the spirit of cooperation, love and compassion.

Most of us say we want to end war but few are interested in finding the root of the problem. We would rather have our religious entertainments or take up the opposing view of the atheist and develop our external point of view there, which is the same thing, thinking it is different. To admit one doesn’t know is the beginning of humility and the awakening of an inner movement, beyond the pettiness of self.

You can see the external psychology of the self operating in your daily life. It is there you see your attachments and the imposition of your will on others. Jealously, hurt, fear, greed, depression, angering, loneliness, isolation, hatred, conformity, prejudice, denial are some on the main occupations or mental states of every self on the planet. These mental states that are not investigated and fully understood create the external practice of criticism, depressing, blaming, punishing, rewarding, nagging, angering, bossing, and many others. All these are forms of bullying which people use to dominate and control another.

The more educated and civilized we become, the more external and inhumane we become. To face the challenge of this means to step out of the river and stand on the shore alone, one eye watching external psychology, the other eye deeply embedded in the unknown and being comfortable in one’s own skin.

Coach bri

The room was warm and one could smell the white flowers on the table. People were coming in slowly and each was carrying a burden that even to them went unnoticed. Each was occupied with something and the cloud of self was trying hard not to be affected or let the discussion happen. Soon the silence broke out and with it discussion and slowly self began to melt away.

If we were to look at any problem in the world, past or present, is there a single factor in all of them that is a common denominator? If you were to look at any problem in your life and solve it and I mean really solve it, which is apparently very difficult to do, is there a common denominator? If we look at the real problems in a human life such as hurt, fear, fear of death, loneliness, not being able to get the love we need from the people we want to love us… Now wait a minute, this question is a question that was asked at the last Friday group and it was very difficult for people to go into and answer it. Why? Because there are fundamental questions in our life that must be asked. And of course there is a price to be paid for asking such questions. That price is your freedom.

If you start to read your own book you will find it is the most important book to read because the whole story of humankind is in you. The experts do not want you to figure out your life and gain your freedom because then you are not conforming and that makes you a problem for them. Just think of this for a moment: if you were free that means you solve all of your problems at the very source, which is you. There would be no blaming, no running to be something else from, religion to religion, no fault finding, no criticizing, no nagging, no head games, just you seeing what you are from moment to moment and just learning.

My brother gave me a copy of “A Course In Miracles: An Introduction” by Kenneth Wapnick, for Christmas.

At first glance, I was rather skeptical of what was in this little book, seeing a lot of references to the Bible and to God. Is this another religion or would it help me see beyond religion? Would it help me “read my own book”? Looking a little deeper into it, I realized that the material bears similarity to what we have talked about at the Friday Night Group. Here is a quote from page 50 of Wapnick’s book:

The ego is very attracted to feeling guilty, and its reason is obvious once you remember what the ego is. The ego’s rationale for its advice to deny and project is based on the following: The ego is nothing more than a belief, and it is a belief in the reality of the separation. The ego is the false self that seemingly came into being when we separated ourselves from God. Therefore, as long as long as we believe that the separation is real, the ego is in business.

I see myself doing this kind of thing all the time, whether separating myself from others (who, in my world, can be considered the manifestation of God) either physically or psychologically. It is curious how the ego wants to point out how well others do it and then maintain itself in an innocent state. I personally can’t even maintain attention to my own anger (which Wapnick says is the result of projecting our guilt) without thinking about someone else’s ways of manifesting anger.

Peter

Last night I watched an inspiring documentary on CBC Newsworld called “Children Full of Life”. You can find a bit more about it on the website ( http://www.cbc.ca/passionateeyemonday/feature_270904.html) and unfortunately I don’t know when it is going to be shown again. Basically it was about a Japanese teacher who was showing his children (they were about ten years old) the necessity to bond, to be happy and to be vulnerable. They shared letters of concern with each other, thoughts and feelings they wrote on a regular basis. What was fascinating for me to see was how they were able to bond after one girl shared about a death in her family. Everyone responded with compassion and other people who had had emotions locked inside themselves, for many years of their short lives, were able to express them.

As I watched this I wondered why we cannot share in a way remotely similar to this during our Friday night meetings. Is it simply because we are adults and have given up on exposing our vulnerabilities? Have we become so insensitive that it is impossible? I become saddened when I think that this meeting has been going on for so many years and only occasionally do people like Angie or Sandy share from their hearts. What are we afraid of? Why has so little trust been built over all these years? Or is there actually nothing to share?

Information passed to me by Laura from our Emotional Energy weekend. I was asked to share it with my sister and Derek, but i don’t see why I wouldn’t share it with the rest of the group.

Below is a collection of emails i recieved from Laura:

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“This article is really the best one to describe what I noticed / my feeling on the subject – and you’ll see eight points outlining eight themes of “reform environments” – ALL of which are used by Brian. The unfreezing, change and refreezing part is interesting too. Please forward to Amy and Derek as well and see what they make of it. Fanks. Laura

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing8.html

here’s a coles notes version of the other article I sent

http://www.rickross.com/reference/cults_in_our_midst/cults_in_our_midst 2.html

All related to the same guy. I like the bit about “the truth” in the Milieu control.

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing19.html

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing9.html“

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I had a conversation with Laura and she wanted to be clear with me that she didn’t say it was a cult but there were brainwashing techniques being used similar to a cult. It was expressed how she felt that the weekend contributed to her breakdown (not fully) because she lost all her beliefs and had nothing to fall back on. Needless to say she will never come back.

I would love to have a discussion thread with the group about this…i am so amazed by the fear that exists in people when their beliefs are challenged…through my experience this past 2 weeks I see the truth in so many more things that were discussed in our get togethers’.

What is the fear that exists that scares off the people who don’t come back and call our group a cult? And what is the commonality of the people who are intrigued to stay? Are we brainwashed? If so…Brian you’re doing a pretty crappy job cuz you’ve only got about 8 of us in 8 years!!!! Haha

But I want to explore what it is that I am having such a problem with…? I have no doubt in my mind the freedom I have at Friday nite group whether to speak up or to stand up and leave…I have little desire to combat trying to explain reasons why we are not a part of a cult…but I am so annoyed with hearing it being explained to me over and over again where one feels the similarities exist. I am also amazed at watching myself and what I want to do…I am so amazed at watching my own thoughts while dealing with the past 2 weeks since that weekend…all I want to do is runaway from the situation…and then I stop and question my lack of desire to listen to it….then i also question …am i judging them the same way they judge us?? zeesh its endless!!

ang