CoachBri’s Blog

The morning was exceptionally still and but for the noise of a passing car or the odd call of a cricket, everything was clear and open. Even water on the pond and in the pool seemed quiet. The cat with her jewel of intensity was on the prowl . She seemed to be in relationship with everything and nothing seemed to escape her attention.

Why is it we human beings don’t see the poison of having images of ourselves or others? We don’t see that we create these images out of our own fears, and the personal pleasure we receive from others. We create these images with our husbands, wives, parents and even with your manager at the office. We hold people in these images for our own comfort and safety. We hold them out of our anger and jealously and all our pettiness and then miss true relationship. There is no such thing as a good or bad relationship. If you are related through the image, which is your own self-centered occupation, then there is no relationship. Where self centeredness is relationship is not. To be in relationship implies putting all judgment aside and being connected through action.

Rarely in the workplace are bosses or managers connected to their employees. It is only in that relationship there is the possibility of the highest productivity. This is where people are able to work at things together and remove their false sense of importance and then accomplish whatever is needed.

As the golden sunlight lit the pond the green algae in the pool was visible. This algae forms quicker in the water when the water is still. Images lock us into another type of stillness that corrupts everything we touch. A mind that is in relationship is a mind that is attentive and quick. It is sensitive, kind and without provocation. Relationship is connectedness and to be connected demands freedom from all images, spiritual or otherwise. Then one can love and care for a mother, a wife or a friend.

Coach bri

Many businesses fail to realize that people wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and want to have a good day. No one wakes up and says to themselves, “I hope I fail today!”

This may sound silly by it isn’t. Companies that don’t take the time to prepare people for change always end up changing the people and that is costly. I friend of mine, a banker, told me that it costs about 35,000 dollars to fire and hire one employee.

Most change that happens in companies doesn’t seem to have a lasting impact once the shock value wears off. People will resort to old habits. To prepare people for change means that the companies really understand that people will grow into change if they are part of the change process. That means they take part in the assessment of how what they do impacts change, and how change will impact what they do. Employers who care enough about their employees and do this well will save themselves time and money by the fist full. Employees with autonomy handle change positively, which generates a creative and improved work ethic. When employees are managed with internal psychology coaching, managers live and breathe job security in times of change and collaborate with the employee. This creates a path to innovate and adjust, meeting new threats and promoting opportunity. Internal psychology strengthens the relationships needed to adapt and smart CEO’s know that if we are going to be around for more than a few years, we better be better at growing employees. Ones that don’t grow wither and die or work somewhere else where they can grow. In a high stress world relationships are more important because it is only in them we find our meaning and purpose for doing what we do. Relationships are our refuge.  The more we grow employees, the more the business grows. People who can get along with others under pressure are high performers. Giving people the skill to build satisfying relationships in home and at work creates employees who take fewer sick days, are more on time and pull together in crisis

GET RID OF BOSS MANAGEMENT!!!!

Coach bri

Many employers and managers don’t get the point that happy people bring profit to their business in more ways than can be imagined. The most difficult part of managing is dealing with the key to happiness and that keys is human feelings. Managers don’t even want to to understand this area of feelings. Yet most things in business are based on gut feelings. Here we trust them in the area of what to with money, products, technology etc, but many people have no idea that it is our feelings that give us constant feedback as to how effective and successful we feel in our life in the present.

Feelings direct the course of our life , and behaviour is the path we choose to find a way to feel better. If you want to be effective with people you must find a way to have them feel good about you. But if you want to rock the world, find people who are happy most of the time and apply themselves to accept your agenda. That is effective management and is it not convincing people to accept the manager’s agenda and be happy about it.

Coach Bri

We never really look at fear because we are frightened of it. At the core of all human beings, we find that most of their activities and choices are the result of fear. Some are afraid of something that has happened in the past and do not want it repeated in the present or future. Others are afraid of something or other with their phobias, or germs or height. Some are just afraid of life or change.

The core of the human brain must have a sense of security. In this process of demanding security it has attached itself to religious and political beliefs or some personal ideal. Attachment to beliefs put together by thought keeps the brain caught in the web of fear. Anxiety and fear go together, for the anxious are afraid of what might happen in the next moment, and are crippled with panic and their own self-absorption. Wanting to have meaning and purpose in their lives yet unwilling to face their own inadequacy, they blame their brain chemistry or heredity.

In the world of psychiatry it is evident that the doctor-patient relationship is based in fear. The shrink is a product of his education, because he/she identifies who he/she is with their study. They look at their patient through the eyes of what they agree with, based on who or what they studied. Therefore their mind is prejudiced and what they analyze in their patient is a projection of themselves. They seem to know what is best for the patient. There is then a danger of paralysis and the growth of fear: for every one thing you get correct you also could analyze and get one thing incorrect.

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If there is one problem that I deal with the most in my private counseling practice it is this problem of human anxiety.

Many times a client comes to see me and talks about having anxiety attacks or panic attacks. The medical world often provides a drug call Ativan and people are told to slip one of these pills under their tongues when they feel an attack coming on and, for a short time, one is released from the pressure. It saddens me to see that so many people believe that their problem is outside of their control and some brain chemical problem. If there is a genocide today that is going unnoticed, it is the millions of people that are on psychotropic medication, for a mental illness. Psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies have teamed up to give human beings their greatest excuse for not being responsible for their lives. This approach is one in which the authority of psychiatry and drug companies is killing part of us that is creative. If you destroy a person’s creative system it is killing their humanity. Out of the creative system comes all our folly but also all of our triumph. The creative system within a human being is the thing that separates us from the animals. It allows us to behave in ways animals can’t and allows us to have domain over the earth. To give authority over to psychiatrists, who are the priests of the modern age, is to conform through very damaging measures, as these drugs do physical damage to the brain.

Most of the anxiety people suffer from is the direct result of their inability to face their self-centered and thought-created existence. Ponder this for a moment: all anxiety is rooted in fear, and when that fear is alive in your mind you are in a state of panic. Panic attacks are the result of your self coming to terms with all the lies you have created about yourself, your life and others in it. These attacks are like the true part of yourself which, for some reason, can’t hold back your own self deception.

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When most people talk to me about their job, they are dumbfounded that their employer is so clued out as to why Boss Management is such a losing psychology.

Managers who tell workers what to do, how to do it and who use punishment and reward systems to improve productivity will initially see positive gains. Eventually though this gives way to either gross incompetence or mediocre efforts. Similarly, CEOs, VPs and managers who use fear, by threatening loss of jobs or tasks, will often destroy the environment that is needed to keep people happy, positive, and supportive, enabling focus, correction and efficiency.

In this present age we still don’t understand the fact that fear destroys initiative. It is important to realize that there is real fear, like crossing the road and moving out of the way of an oncoming car and it is needful and purposeful for our survival. However, the fear that kills the healthy relationships needed in the workplace is the fear that management uses to force people into doing what they as managers want, which is ultimately to control or manipulate people. Most employees will say that having a boss who is compassionate and demanding is the best boss of all. Employees often share with me the lack of trust and contempt they feel for their organization because of the conflict within the organization.

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Built into each one of us is the constant evaluation of how our life is going. We either see ourselves as failures or we see ourselves as succeeding in what we are doing.

When we are failing we approach life with doubt, and this is a closed way of seeing life. When we are succeeding, life is open and we are inspired.

Most of this is built around the goals we set for ourselves. But many goals are programed into us and are not inward, not coming from our genes, but from outside conditioning. Stress and failure are imposed from the outside and yet unmet needs are something that you can often easily remedy by choice. It is, however, often hard to know the difference.

Because most of our activities are set to satisfy our conditioning, we often become confused in learning to discern what is conditioning and which are our basic needs. Loving and being loved is programmed into our genes and is natural to us is as getting along with people is. However, conditioning prevents us from doing it. This conditioning is the thing that sees us as successes or failures. It is imposed through the outside, handed down from generation to generation and built and sustained by thinking.

Successful people are able to do the things they want to do because they develop a belief in themselves. They feel that the person they are will succeed. Most of the time they feel they have something to look forward to. Confidence is the psychological strength to do or accomplish what you set out to do.

Most confident people feel that in any situation the odds are in their favour. When a confident person meets failure, they take it in stride and often feel a challenge and they welcome it. Confidence is something that is not switched on or off. It is part of how they view life and linked to their intention and purpose for doing anything.

If we take a person who views themselves as a failure, they see that in whatever they do, they will do poorly and fail at it. They lack confidence, have a grim view of the future, often are irrational, and the present is the only thing that matters.

When we have effective control of our life and are succeeding, the factor of choice is the key that inspires us to satisfy our needs, sent to us by our genes.

Coach Bri

She was friendly and helpful and a person that was well trained. She had a gift for making people feel at ease with the large intimidating machines. When you asked a question, she answered in a way that was programmed. If you asked a question, her response assumed that you were frightened of what was going on, so her answer was always superficial, direct and closed. As I asked other questions pertaining to her job, she became uneasy and businesslike. I lay in the machine and it took many pictures. The room was warm, quiet and very clinical. The hum of the machine with its clicks and jerking movements was like all machines – doing what they are intended to do regardless of what else is happening around them.

It is best to deal with the matters of the heart with a clear and still brain. If one is at all full of emotion on any level, it will get in the way of what one perceives. Then self is present and will prejudice everything according to its own wants and desires. Human beings need to be in touch with what we are doing as well as how we are doing it. Only in the space of attention can there be simplicity and order. Otherwise we function like the machine, unaware of what we are doing and how it impacts the environment at that given time.

After one hour and one picture I was done and the nurse came in and gave me my leave. I asked her another question for which she had a quick answer. Then I asked how she really thought and to that she replied, “We are not allowed to think here”. So I said, “What a pity, is it worth it to you?” “No one really cares anyway,” she said. “Well, at least you know one person who does!” She smiled and said, “Yeah, I do now!”

- coach bri

I was pulling into the parking lot in Toronto when I noticed the parking attendant and a man in a business suit yelling at each other. As the man in the business suit was leaving, he told the attendant where he could go.I pulled in and the attendant, in a deep, raspy voice, yelled out, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To park my car!” I smiled.
He said, “I tell you where to park your car, I run things around here!”
“Yes I see that and you sure look after the cars well”, I smiled! As I pulled my car into the spot I yelled out,”Is it ok here?”
“No.” he said, “Move it down there!”
“Ok.” So I moved it down about 10 spots and got out of the car and said, “Are you sure you want it here?”
Then again, as I got out of the car, he said, “No! Better put it over there.” He pointed to another spot 2 spots from the first place I parked.
“Great!” I said, “Are you really sure?”
In a much softer voice he said, “Yeah, it will be fine there”
“Ok.” I got back in the car and moved it to the right spot. I got my things out and headed over to pay my deposit. In a loud voice, when he saw I was going to give him a 20 and the deposit was only 15, he said, “You don’t have change?”
“No, I don’t. I can come back after I get some if you like.” I said, with another big smile on my face.
He slapped a 5 in my hand. I said, “Thanks. And thanks for looking after my car!”
He got a very peculiar look on his face. I smiled and left his booth and moved out of sight. As I turned around to look back, he was standing there. I waved goodbye and he waved too. As I moved farther down the street and crossed the road, he was still standing there looking at me. I waved again and he half waved back, as if he had seen an alien.

A little connection goes a long way!

Listening bring its own discipline!

He was VP of a midsized company and was having difficulty getting through to his managers.

I have called you and I was told that you are going out of the country for a few weeks and I am in a crisis. I was wondering if you would have the time to see me. A good friend of mine suggested that I meet with you after a long argument that we had at a squash club after a drink or two.

He told me the man’s name and I informed him that I was leaving in two days so meeting would have to be when I returned. He then asked if we could meet over the phone as he was in a crisis and I was now his only chance and his friend strongly recommended me. I said that was fine and we set up a time for later that evening when we could talk.

It was after 9pm when I called. He picked up his phone quickly and said “You’re late! Ten minutes late!”

I apologized and explained that before going away I wanted to read a story to my daughter as I would not be doing this for sometime. He was very abrupt and said he really wasn’t interested in talking now. I ignored his lack of interest and stated my view of the problem as he had educated me about his situation a few hours ago.

You seem to be having some difficulty at work connecting with the managers!

Well, your damn fu…. right! Do you know that after I got off the phone today from talking to you I went into a meeting and no one offered any ideas or solutions to my problems in production at all, not even one of them?!

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