CoachBri’s Blog

Human beings are like pudding stones. We are filled with a large range of behaviors, attitudes, intentions that are maintaining us as self-serving. We want to be famous, respected and revered. We are addicted to our own sense of importance; therefore in all things we are indifferent to the needs of others and this leads to the practice of external control or the need to control others. To have control over another is a sign of our own shallow intoxication with our self. The need to exert that control creates every form of conformity and violence and the egoism of oppression. Removing all external psychology is the greatest challenge in our life. This is very difficult to do because all of society is organized with external psychology. We are taught to identify with the things created by thinking, therefore we think we know what is best for others, how they should change, and we spend our life reacting and therefore keep ourselves in conflict with someone or something. We don’t want to realize that we are in a prison of our own desire, and desire and its pursuit keep external control in operation.

Desire for anything is a process of thinking and what desire promises never lives up to its promise. The more one develops an appetite for anything and feeds it, the more one can never find satisfaction. There is no internal desire put together by thought. Internal desire is a movement of how we feel in the moment that indicates to us if the behavior we are choosing in this moment is good and helpful to us or painful and detrimental to us. Internal psychology is a process that holds thinking in its place. Thinking out of its place has created all this conflict and the disconnection that happens in it. We can always practice.

Coach Bri

If we could look at the world and see what it means to live in this world and reach our potential, I don’t think many people would say they are reaching it. Humankind seems to be willing to change technology at a colossal rate. However, we still live with the psychology of self and all its domination that keeps us behaving with animal instincts in the ways we parent, manage people in the work place, teach in our schools, coach athletes and keep a hold over our spouses. This self psychology is made by the process called thinking and our brain, being dominated by this self psychology, is the brainwashing that is the source of time. Humankind fails to see that the brain, being rooted in time, is the cause of all our problems inside and outside, by the endless need to become something better that we are.

But what are the facts? We have taken somewhere around 14 billion years to evolve to the state we are now, called humans. This is a measurement created by humans based on their need to put meaning to their existence. At some point in our evolution it was important to become more skilled at survival or one would die. Sometimes improving your position outside in society is natural. Unfortunately human beings extended this principal inwardly and concluded that “I too must become better”. There we formed a manmade self and the whole psychology of its function.

“Every generation blames the one before, all of their suffering comes beating at your door” (Mike and the Mechanics, “The Living Years”). This is a profound statement that encapsulates why human beings are caught in a prison of their own making called the psychology of self. The study of psychology is the so-called science of human behavior. But we have forgotten that this self we have created is a product of thought. Thinking is its mother. Self is born out of thought because thinking is a movement from experience, which gives us knowledge, which then creates memories.  Thinking, and words, are the past, knowledge is the past, memories are the past. Therefore thinking is rooted in the past and rooted in time. Self is a movement of time.

We run from the fact that self, being a movement of the past thinking it’s a movement in the present, is the source of all our anxiety. As self begins to see it is not real but a product of instincts being sustained by the thinking process, a transformation happens. That transformation is the dismantling of the self and all its beliefs, conclusions and images. These are all the children of thinking, which is a movement from the past, which poisons the present. A poisoned present is the psychology of self in action. The action is a process that creates conflict because it has formed all the religions, the political parties, philosophies, countries, etc. This for centuries is our madness leading to self’s biggest organized accomplishment: organized mass murder called war.

Therefore we are at war everyday because self and its psychology is that thing that dominates our life.  Few people are interested in getting at the core of the problem because they refuse to cease all movement or the so called spiritual movement rooted in knowledge. Knowledge, practiced in any direction is the most destructive force of a religious or spiritual life as it creates tradition and all tradition binds humankind to a movement in time. Love, compassion, and insight are movements not created by thought or bound by time. That is the movement lacking in and around our lives and the world at large. We, as separate individuals, are responsible for this!

Declan Brian O’Reilly

It was a lovely spring morning. The earth was dark and damp and gave off such a rich, earthy smell. The sky looked so turquoise blue over the lake and on the horizon the colors were so soft with no promise of rain.

We walked for some time in the solitude of the morning. He then began to cry. His tears were large and he felt somewhat embarrassed and foolish.

Let them come sir! It is so cleansing to be vulnerable. You are among friends now.

I sorry for all this, I never thought this would happen, but it is there now and I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Yes sir. Let it be there! Do watch it sir and see all of it without any interruption.

But it feels so… so…

Ugly, sir?

Well, I wasn’t going to say that but it does make sense, it is kinda ugly.

Sir, most of us live such a self-centered, ugly existence.  We want to be so much more than what we are. We need to have letters after our name so we seek and broadcast all our accreditation to buff us up so we don’t feels so empty.

That is how I feel – so insignificant.

Yes sir we are! We live such boring lives, and try to establish some profound, deeper meaning to our existence, when really we are petty, shallow-minded and a slave to desire.

I can see that although I have never put words to it before.

Or we are always wanting to be entertained, taken out of our mediocre, boring lives.

My life is boring. Don’t get me wrong – I have done a lot with my life and I am thankful but it all seems to be so heartless. Nothing brings me real satisfaction. I seem to spend my life just active to be active. I feel that I am really running, but don’t know what from.

Yourself sir!

How do you mean? I have a good job, wife, kids, I meet my responsibilities but it is not enough. I want something more but don’t know what!

Yes sir, thought in its very nature creates an ego or self and that self is our existence. As it moves it is always comparing, judging, and evaluating and therefore creates a division between you and your life. That division is the movement of pleasure and pain which is what self is. It is nothing more than a movement of pleasure and pain. We or self are that movement and that movement also keeps itself going and creates a sense of void. That deep void within, being the product of self, is where most human beings are caught. This is the prison humanity is caught in. This is his burden, the source of all his confusion. He is always trying to cover it up and in doing so creates conflict. He rejects any other possible way to live. He is in conflict with himself, because thought divides him against himself. It breaks us up into parts of thought, feeling and action. It is the source of all human anxiety sir. To act out of thinking in the world of technology is the only place for thought to act. Any other place, thought is a burden.  In the matter if relationship and of the heart thought has little place, only to communicate. That is all!

It is true that I am lost! That is the feeling of have.

Yes sir, most of humanity is lost. Lost in the vain pursuits of religion, making money, acquiring something to show others and our self we are someone. And for all this we will go to war! Always creating deeper anxiety for all sir!

This has been so helpful. I thought all these things were locked inside and no words to get them out. Why do I feel so much better, when I think I just looked at how ugly I am.

Sir, the truth acts, it is the thing that sets us free. Right sir?

I must come to your discussion in Toronto. Thank you.

No problem sir!

Coach Bri

The day was bright and full of promise. One could feel the warmth of the spring sun on one’s face. Climbing on the maple trees were small sap flies – a sure sign of warmer weather. The flies seemed to stay close to the tree but every so often they would spring to life and hover around the dark creviced bark. The little bugs were more active in the sun. They seemed to delight in its energy and then they landed again and remained perfectly still.

All of nature seems to operate as movement and rest. The whole universe is in a state of meditation. Meditation is deep, radical, and therefore profound. Any time the human mind makes contact with the movement deeper than itself there is instant order. That order is a true internal movement. Very few human beings are interested in the movement that offers no reward or significance to their self-centered egos.

At Friday night group, we all come with a tremendous amount of baggage, of opinions, ideas, and self-centered projections. The significance of Friday night group is established when people are willing to let go of their point of view and find the necessity to empty all of one’s preconceived notions and ideas to enter a state of dialogue. The dialogue is in itself free from all personal intentions and is a simple movement of discovering an action that can free the mind from having the thinking process as the dominant function of the brain.

In order for this process to be discovered, one must first address all the external psychology dominating their brain, which is the source of all conflict. When the brain is caught in any contradiction, trying to become something that it isn’t, or trying to achieve a self-projected result, it is a source of disorder and human misery. The intent of Friday night group is to give people a chance to think together, which means the ability to address our human disorder in the personal realm that is responsible for global disorder.

Human beings do not want to see that the soul they have is the creation of external psychology. This means any imposed morals from the outside are not moral. The immoral is a movement from the outside, rules or laws imposed to keep us on a moral path. Why can’t we face the fact that we are immoral? Yet we cannot choose who we love; we can only choose the behavior we use to express that love. It follows then that we can only choose the behavior to also express hatred, prejudice, fear, anger, anxiety, agreed etc. Very few people are really interested and see the significance that one’s daily problems are the problems of the world.

I am sure you have heard that saying, “To be in this world but not of this world”. I understand this to mean that even though one thinks, the thinking process is used by something much deeper in the human mind. Therefore thought or the thinking process is a functional process dealing specifically with material in the physical world. Thinking is made out of material processes in the brain. Any process, however grand or so-called sacred, is just an expression of external psychology. The art of dialogue is a group of people, two or more, willing to set aside everything they know and look at things for the first time. This process of emptying is to live in the present and no guru, book, tradition, or ritual can bring about a state of mind that
is internal, orderly, and not practiced. If one sees the disorder that they are caught in completely, the perception of that disorder is the action that is internal psychology. Happy are those who find this.

The shadows from the trees on the snow grow longer as the afternoon deepens; a few squirrels have come down from the tree to check me out. Their inquisitiveness and their hunt for food is impressive – they seem to move in an attentive state. That level of attention keeps them alive and in a relationship with their environment. If only humans could apply that same attentiveness to the doings of thought! Then we too would be in a state of meditation where psychological problems are not. Friday night group is a place where psychological problems end. In that ending there is a new beginning to bathe in that emptiness is to understand the significance of nothingness. In the universe nothingness is holding everything together.

Coach Bri

I was thinking about what you have said at Friday night group, and I had a flash of what I think may be that order you were talking about. What I saw was that I have been raised in a so-called religious home. But when I think of all the external control applied by my parents I feel that the level of criticism that I received and now practice on my family is what you say is my disorder. I think I see this. My son acts out of his disorder and I add to it. Do I have this correct?

What is the disorder you practice on your son?

Well, it is the same as I practiced on my husband! That anger and frustration!

Yes but are you not the anger and frustration, which is the fact of your disorder?

Yes, so what do I do now? Practice internal psychology, right?

So what do you do in your anger and frustration?

As you have said a thousand times, I choose a behavior that kills the relationships so I am caught in the thinking mode and I have to act it out on someone.

Can you see that choosing a predisposed position is one action that again reinforces the thinking process and external psychology?

I don’t follow that! Do you mean that practicing an internal psychology is also part of disorder?

No, I don’t think you can willfully practice an internal psychology.

I don’t understand. Can you make it clearer?

One must come to terms with something!

And that something is?

Your brain, my brain, is caught in a web called consciousness. It is made up of a self and every person has a self. Self is a product of memory, which is caught in time because self is a product of experience.

Ok I get that! Self is a group of experiences that I gather in the brain as memory. But I have a sense that I have aged and am wiser now than I was 10 years ago!

Yes but you’re not!

How do you know that?

You just have more knowledge about your self but you are still caught in your animal instincts and sustain them by using thought.

Okay I am more sustaining now than I was when I was 20.

Yes, true, but that is proof your not wiser!

I don’t get this then!!

Yes I know! Look at it! Or don’t look – the choice is yours.

No I want to look at it! It is just you piss me off so much.

Yes I know!

See! So you’re doing it on purpose!

No! You are angry now with me, right? Or your son or husband right?

Yes! Yes!

Who is it that is angry?

My self at your self!

So is your self different from your anger?

Yes, there is anger then there is me, my self acting out the anger!

What if you is anger!

Me is anger? I don’t get that.

You see, external control psychology has built the self out of memory. Self is a bundle of memory stored in the brain called self.

Okay, I see that and I guess it sounds right!

This sense of self is formed from the outside!
If I asked you, who you are, you would say what?

That I am me!

And who is you!

I would say I am a Canadian, a mother, a wife!

Yes and where did you learn that?

I guess from my parents!

Yes, but partly from your environment or society.

Okay!

And that is external from you!

What do you mean by that, “external from you”?

Well, you were conditioned to think you are Canadian.

I am a Canadian!

Yes, when you accept who you are governed by the external thinking. If you were born in the same place 500 years ago, would you still be a Canadian?

Of course I would!

Canada didn’t exist as Canada 500 years ago. The land did but not the conditioning called Canada.

Yes, I see what you’re driving at! How about my beliefs?

They are all put in you then you modify them to suit your experience.

Yes, but I have a belief about the universal energy and reincarnation! That is real!

Real yes, but untrue.

What do you mean? It is true to me. I live by it!

Yes each person lives according to his own belief! But why? Why is believing so important to us? To you or any human being?

Because it gives life meaning?

Okay, how? It only gives you a sense of false security!

Look I believe what I believe and I have the … damn…

Right to! And that right gives one a sense of security, no?

And what is wrong with feeling secure?

Well isn’t the demand for security a sign of insecurity!

Okay I think I see that?

Think you see that? Isn’t every problem you have with your husband and son you looking for security and if they only did what you said, lived how you want them to, there would be no conflict?

Yes okay, I see it! I see it! I get it!

What is it you get?

When I have problems with them we are in conflict and I see I’m the source of that conflict. I get that when my belief is there for them my self is there. The feeling of anger and frustration is the self, which is me in action.

Yes, now what can you do about that?

I don’t know? My life is this!

Yes it is! Now can I see that trying to change in any way is to avoid my inner ugliness and the fact that me, anger, frustration is all one clump of self or ego. So if I try to do anything to self, to change, is the wrong approach. This is self judging self, trying to get out of self, which strengthens self!

You know I think I do that! Strange as it is! That is my life.

Okay, so see the fact and remain with the fact that the self-centered movement is one movement. Fear is self, hurt is self etc. You can’t do anything about it. If you do you are creating more conflict. If you are willing to end all conflict, self and its beliefs no longer fuel external psychology and one comes upon a deep movement not the product of the self. That movement brings order and that order is a new beginning.

I have lots to think about! Thank you!!!

You’re welcome.

Coach bri

The world is now embarking on the greatest travesty ever committed against humanity. Human beings will be willing to take this step, as millions already have, even though the warning signs are in your face and disclaimers offer sudden death. It gives people the best possible excuse so they don’t have to take any responsibility for their choices, in action, thoughts, or feelings. It has now changed the very structure of some people’s genes, and will create, as it has already, people who are unable to have compassion and empathy for others. It turns humans into machine-like creatures who are desensitized to violence and fit well into the war machine to keep the rich making profit and the religious fanatics drooling. It hides in the womb of psychiatry and was invented without any pathology. It is used as the trump card when needed against any person who dares to think for themselves and is unhappy because their relationships and their relationship to the world is painful. It is called mental illness! It is the great cancer of drug companies that use the world of psychiatry and its authority to infect people with the idea that happiness is a state of mind not based on loving and caring relationships. The field of psychiatry cripples everything is touches when it holds up brain drugs as an answer to psychological problems, such as depression, anxiety, fear, poor esteem, anger, hurt and being disconnected. Brain drugs numb you out so you can’t respond to pure pleasure or pure pain. They prevent you from finding what works for you in relationship with people and things and ideas. And if you can’t do that you are no longer human!

Coach Bri

It was a still night. All the earth was asleep and even in the winter the streets held their own enchantment. It was a good time to get out and walk the streets of Varna, this small town with only a few streets.  The shops were all closed and Christmas was the theme in the few windows. There was a dusting of snow from the early evening that seemed to warm the ground. But now, well past midnight in that absolute stillness, the brain was fighting to keep thinking and the mind was watching thought interfere with perception. Eventually thought had no place, and vulnerability and strength were in everything.  The softness of the streetlight seemed to light millions of tiny diamonds as the ground took on a delicate shimmer of waves. The cars that approached from the distance broke the enchantment of the evening like thoughts that enter perception and kill one’s mood.  As they passed the evening slowly returned to its own stillness from the intruder. One could watch the lights for miles and the darkness seem to swallow the vehicles.

Christmas was only a few days away, the children would all be home and I felt the ache for those who had no one. The rich, the poor, the war torn places and all the indifference caused by humanity could not touch that stillness. It was unconcerned with humankind because it had no place for selfishness of any kind. The religious, the politicians, the false hope of The Secret and the born again would all tremble in its presence. To be nothing inwardly, to have no defense linked to any idea of how oneself or anyone else should live or be is freedom. That stillness has no cause, whereas Christmas and all the holidays of any religion, however sacred, are caused by the thinking of humankind. These holidays are invented by man to build a path to that stillness. But the stillness demands to be without ego, or self, which is tradition.

Humankind’s greatest tradition is to form a self and it splits into a trillion self-offerings, each self a false sense of security. People break relationship whenever their process of living become more or less than anyone else’s.  People getting together for Christmas or anytime is great if relationship with compassion is directing the interactions. Only here are people safe! For many people Christmas is a time to get stoned or pissed, to cover up the pain of the memories of unmet needs of Christmases past.  Try to remain clean and get close to the people in your life you’re disconnected from. Reach out to those who are hurting but do it clean and sober. Drugs we invented for the unhappy by the unhappy and you were one born without them and lived happier than you are now.

The evening was so clear and open. I took my time and walked back to my house to a warm fire and cozy chair. I sat there for some time until  sleep over took me.

Merry Christmas.

Coach bri

He was a middle aged man in good shape. He had a very friendly demeanour and appeared to have lot on confidence in himself and his abilities. He wore a suit and tie and appeared to have lots on money. He and his wife of twenty-three years had built a business together and now thing were falling apart.  He had seen his doctor and two others regarding his inability to maintain an erection. Two of the doctors gave him information on the physiology of the male erection and a prescription for some medication.  The other said that he wasn’t sure but felt it might be psychological but he was not qualified in that area and suggested he see a colleague, a psychiatrist. He had an appointment and went and felt that what the psychiatrist talked to him about was basically nonsense. He had heard about me from the radio and he thought he would give me a chance. He was deeply bothered by his problem and felt that he was letting his wife down.

Sir, may I ask you a question? You built your business with your wife and you did it together, right sir? You felt needed, did you not?

Yes of course. We discussed it all together. I would work the back end and she worked the front. We were a good team!

And now sir?

Well she wants to move on and sell the business and do something else!

So where does that leave you sir?

Well nowhere, and that is what I don’t understand. She has always been an inclusive person.

Since when?

I guess this has come to the surface in about the last eight months to a year.

What has happened since then?

The relationship between her and my son is very strained.

What is strained?

Let’s say they don’t see eye to eye! He rarely comes home on the weekend because all they do is fight!

And when this is all going on what are you doing?

I support my wife. I feel he gets out of hand too and is just rude!

Rude? How?

He just is disrespectful and doesn’t appreciate anything we do for him.

So how do you treat him in that situation?

Well we just don’t do anything for him!

So you just back off!

Yes totally!

What is totally?

Well, we don’t drive him anywhere or pick him up. We let him fend for himself. In the mornings we don’t talk because it always ends up in a huge fight and his mood effects everyone. I’m not going to take that from anyone.

So what do you want from your son?

I want him to be closer to us and treat us well.

So how is pulling away helping?

I’m not going to be anyone’s doormat! Nor am I going to ask my wife to be!

Okay so how important is your relation with your son?

It’s very important!

How important is your wife’s relationship to your son?

I think it’s the most important thing in the world!

More important than you?

No doubt about that!

So if she is unhappy with your son and feels a lack of meaning and purpose in her life, what is the chance she wants out of the business?

Is it possible she is not aware of that?

You know her better than I do. What do you think?

It is very possible! So you think that this not getting an erection has something to do with my wife and my son?

Well, indirectly perhaps. You see, when human beings aren’t satisfied with our present relationships, we say and do all kinds of things that sometimes disconnects us even more but we don’t realize it.

How does this fit in to me not getting it up?!

Are you pissed with your wife!

Damn right I am!!!

For what?

For kicking me out of her life! That’s what! She’s a fucking bitch for doing this to me.

Doing what to you?

Marriage is a partnership and she’s angry at our son and taking it out on me!

She’s hurt and choosing to disconnect from you.

Why can’t I get it up?

Is it possible you’re angry with her?

Yes.

What happens if you’re hurt, can you have sex with a person who is hurting you?

No, I can’t.

So how do you get back at her?

I’m not not getting it up on purpose!

I don’t think you are either! But if you’re hurt and feel she doesn’t need you it’s going to be difficult to feel sexual.

I think you’re right!

No sir, you see the truth of what is being said. A pill won’t hurt. Most men need these pills to cover up their hurt and pain.

So I’m not the only one?

You know you’re not sir! These erection drugs are harming our natural intelligence sir! And we will pay for the harm they will do!

Yes I know. If you read the disclaimer on it you wonder why anyone would ever take them.

That is easy sir! Living in the darkness, pleasure and the avoidance of pain is going to rule. This state you are in is giving you a chance to wake up sir! The choice is yours!

So what do I do?

Sir, tell the truth of your hurt, and just listen to her sir and listen to your son! It sounds like he is in deep trouble and can’t see it.

This has been very enlightening. Thank you

Yes sir, for the both of us! Thank you!

Coach bri

Everything has potential but there is one potential that human beings have that is not the product of thinking or thought. You can’t come to it with the practice of yoga or rituals or sacraments. It is not found through any buzz or chemical intake. This potential is straight potential, without direction or influence. It can’t be practiced or cultivated. It is not found in a book unless it wants to be. It can leave a mark in a painting, sculpture, or poem if examined by simplicity and free from the cultivated intellect of the art critic. It is without cause and can affect anything it wants to yet no one or no thing can go to it. It moves all yet can’t be moved. These simple words are not it. It says write yet hides in what is written. This potential has love and compassion as its children. It holds when all else breaks, it is also full and deeply empty. From this potential we sprang and to it we fall. It beats life and death in the same stroke. It cannot be used, or corrupted.

Coach bri

In our last session we discussed how thought plays such a large roll in creating and maintaining our problems.   You were very clear about this regarding fear of death. I can’t seem to remember what it was you said but it did scare the crap out of me! Now things keep coming back to me that we discussed.

Thinking is always on the move, looking to keep itself alive through activity. Thinking about something is thought’s occupation. It is always moving and when one watches or pays attention to thought it slows down. When one gives one’s whole attention to thought it ceases. It is like when you are in a car crash and things seem to happen in slow motion. Most of us only know the release from thought through some activity, competition, or adrenaline rush. If one uses concentration to quiet thought, it is freedom from and therefore a process of exclusion. Thought doesn’t want to end, and its primary directive is to find in some religious, political, or personal belief a place where it is permanent and secure. Thought creates all kinds of beliefs and material processes because it is itself a material process.

The chemical nature of thought is moving in an irrational pattern when it is used beyond the technical boundaries of its intended function. Where human relationship is concerned thinking is a mess. It creates groups of people and the illusion that we are separate beings in separate lands. Thought has created all the psychological problems of disconnection, fear, jealousy, hatred, greed, loneliness etc. Thought also creates the external psychology that most people practice to deal with there disconnected state only inflicting more damage and disconnection.  Thought creates the problem of disconnection and then tries to be the remedy to change it. You can’t use cancer to kill a cancer without creating the same result.

Our greatest challenge as human beings is to question everything that thought creates to make us better people, more loving etc. Thought is a movement that is caught in time.  Fear, jealousy, greed, and hatred are products of time because they are things we learn. Love and compassion are not the rooted in thought. They are another movement that is truly internal. Self is fear, jealousy, greed, hatred and is put into you by others. Where these are, love and compassion are not. To love another and reject someone else is not love.
Death is the ending of self and self is terrified of it own ending.  In the ending of thought one is no longer seeing through the eyes of time and one’s own limits. Then one is free and what is free is not held in the confines of death.

Coach bri