Hormones and Love, Self-Centred with Desire
I have spent some time thinking about what you said about love and that we can only know what it isn’t. This seems so true to me. But it leads me to a deeper question. Can I ever say I love somebody?
Sir there is a difference between hormones and love.
Well, how can I tell the difference.?
You see your girlfriend sir or a beautiful woman. Her lovely curves and her walk, her smile, her features right sir? Do you get it!
Yes, okay!
Now there is seeing her, then there is a sensation. Then what sir?
I don’t know! Wanting her I guess?
No sir, that comes in later.
You see a nice car, powerful, nice structure and interior and all this is sensation, right?
Okay, same thing as the girl!
Yes, then what? Your thought catches hold of the sensation, turns it into pleasure, then comes desiring for, or wanting for it, etc. Right? Do you see it?
Yes, yes I do!
That is not love sir. It is hormones. What happens then sir?
I have to have her or that thing I desire.
Yes it becomes an appetite, and if you feed it, it grows and you’re used to it and you’re occupied with it all the time. Right sir?
Well they say a man thinks about sex every three minutes.
If you have a superficial mind, then perhaps. But why do we give so much importance to pleasure sir and sex, wanting and all this. Why?
That is a very deep question!
I don’t think so. It is very easy to see why I give such great importance to pleasure.
Well not to me it isn’t!
Why not?
I guess I am frightened to find out.
Yes, which means what?
Just that! I frightened.
Yes but why? Is it because human beings are so attached to pleasure it is the predominate thing in our lives and it is all we know and have conditioned ourselves to it and there we are attached. Therefore we are afraid to give up our attachment because it is a form of keeping us occupied so we don’t have to face ourselves?
That’s a lot to deal with.
Of course.
Why don’t they teach us this in school? I’m in my 20’s and here I am learning about this stuff. It kinda bothers me.
We receive so much education on how to make a living – which job to take, how to be a good consumer. We receive very little education on how to live.
Well that is for sure. But why?
Because sir society operates in the interest of the rich. The rich are good at making money. The educated are good at fitting into the economic environment but that does not make them wise sir! Surely we can see that. I see it in the politicians. The way they behave on TV, they act as children and they are about covering their butts. Just like the doctor who thinks he or she is the letters after their name.
It is all a mask – is that what you’re saying?
More than a mask sir. We really believe in the things created by thought. Now can we get back to something sir?
Yes of course.
Why do we make sex into this huge business, when all of nature is doing it? The animals to are doing it. It is just part of living. Human beings are the only ones who have made it into a big deal. If we are not sexual we will go to a therapist to find out why we are oversexed or undersexed. And today we want to be erect for hours, right sir, we can take a pill. The pharmaceutical companies are now involved in the bedrooms. It is appalling what is becoming of us! A drug to get more pleasure and soon pleasure will become the only thing human beings are interested in.
That would be very damaging if that happens.
Sir it is all ready happening. We are now facing a very dangerous place in our history. Drugs are getting into our genetics and creating people who have no regard or compassion for anyone. They indiscriminately inflict emotional damage, violence or kill another with no remorse.
So are you saying those human beings are drugging themselves to a point where they don’t care?
No sir! What I am saying is that I have lived with over a hundred teenagers and once in a while you would get a kid who was psychopathic. But there are countless young people where drugs have affected their brain chemistry and they are incapable of feeling remorse. Their parents have taken drugs for most of their lives and they produce children whose brain development is impaired. Now those children are now on drugs and raising children who are drug dependent.
This is awful!
Yes sir and the whole thing is fueled by pleasure sir, to escape responsibility.
And responsibility is??
To be a free human being sir! A light on to your own path, to be compassionate and have love. Not the love that is going to be jealous or controlling, but a love that nurtures independence.
That is so true! Why am I so jealous in relationships?
Because you are insecure and self-centered! Sorry sir but all jealousy is the emotional content of losing something you are attached to for sex , amusement , so many things that cripple the relationship.
Don’t hold anything back! But I get it! I should thank you really.
So I guess you would say that to say I love someone is a little crazy.
I don’t know sir! When we first are in love, the space in us that we call love is touched. That is what all the fuss is about. Now that space has nothing to do with the stream of self-centeredness that is the heart of the ego.
Ok, I think I get that – then love isn’t personal then!
How do you see that?
Well if it is part of being self-centered, that can’t have anything to do with love.
Yes Sir! Drugs, drink, smoke, they are all about pleasure and that is self-centeredness in action. Sex is a small affair, and without love, sex becomes such an ugly thing. If you are thinking about it all the time, it is best not to have it. Sex without love is pleasure, have it or not but don’t make it into a big deal. Sir, there are places in the world where sex is the only thing they have because their minds are so burdened by ritual and tradition. Sex becomes important for a person whose mind is superficial and narrow. So many people have good sex and then want it that way the next time, which only poisons the experience. It is like going the beach and seeing an amazing sunset. The next night you go and want the sunset to give you the same feeling as the night before. That is self-centered sir, do you see it?
Yes! I must tell you that I have been to several people over the last 14 months, a psychiatrist in London and a psychologist in town. I feel that you are real, that I am not a patient. What you say turns me inside out. But when I leave you, your words stick with me.
Yes sir! You are not afraid to listen, that is all sir! It has nothing to do with me!
Then why don’t the other people I see help me?
Because they are afraid sir to listen. They hide behind their degrees sir! Finding how to live has nothing to do with a degree. Degrees are about fitting in, about conformity. To conform is to be violent; it is to shape the mind. The mind goes to pieces when it is shaped by any bias. A biased mind is looking after its own best interest. Not yours sir!
Thank you!
No sir, thank you!
Coach bri