Caught in a Web of My Own Making
Without a shadow of doubt there I am, caught in a web of my own making. When they speak of the principle of integrity, here too I am lost. What seems to define me more and more is the lack of my own seriousness, and my complacency about it. My heart longs for something, but my mind creates it and therefore is lost. For what is created by the mind is limited and not the truth. I can’t seem to change from this position for this is truly where thought is locked. Day after day I am wanting or desiring something to cover over my inadequacies. I spend most of my time in thought by thought wanting to be out of thought, keeping me there. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to turn but to embrace the ugliness of my own condition.
We do no see the path, the only path, that all change must happen in the content of our own personal consciousness. The wind and water erode a stone, but what will wash away the hardness of the self? The self seems to be a hundred times the strength of stone, a million times more clever than the intellectual genius. It creates the prison of personal drama, thinks something and believes whatever it wants to secure its position. Then without intention or warning, love passes through it and leaves no mark or path. Somewhere between the notes of self there lives a profound silence. Like the birds on a wire each with their space or like the space between two musical notes, love lives. Life is not about now for now is the past of what has been. Go nowhere, be nothing, stop everything, shine not. For if you do shine you will not know you are shining. If you are blessed by love and it moves through you to someone or something you will not channel it or will it be under control of yourself. I see this yet my heart is heavy with the pain and disgust of myself.
Coach bri
Without a shadow of a doubt I took love for granted. Now, I find myself alone in a great big world and I question everything and everyone around me. And I question everything about myself. Why is love necessary? Who needs the pain of love?
Dear Karen,
We come into this world alone and we leave alone. Everything we experience from the time we are born to the time when we die we experience alone. Alone in the dictionary means “all one”. This is not all Oneness – it is something entirely different from what most people understand.
Most people have an opinion about what love is. Up until this moment in history no one has being able to make an appropriate definition defining love. If you ask people what love is, everyone will give you what they think. The big question is this: Has love got anything to do with thinking? The only way to truly have an insight about love is to identify what love is not. Every time we break an illusion about love we move closer to it. First of all, love has nothing to do with ourselves. It has nothing to do with the ego, love can’t be forced, called upon or even cultivated. One can’t think one’s way to love. Most people have an image of what they think love is but an image is put together by their thinking. Thinking has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Most people think they are in love with someone because they are jealous. Is not jealousy the emotional content to thinking, stemming from an insecure and full of emotional content, attachment and therefore loveless? To love is to create space for people to be who they are, and to support what they want for themselves and their own life. Love is about freedom and creating independence and nurturing that independence by facing one’s attachment to a person, which only breeds fear. Obviously where fear is, love isn’t. The sad thing about human relationship is that most people use other people to cover up their loneliness. The person we hook up with is supposed to take us out of our loneliness. This is when sex becomes all-important in a relationship or often is the relationship. Or we begin to use our relationships as a means of control, mainly controlling the other person. Control is seen by the external control habits we practice like criticism, humiliation, blaming, nagging, threatening, punishing, withdrawing and so many more. We practice all of these external control habits in our marriages and to so-called people we love. Where is the love in all of these things? By learning an internal psychology one comes face to face with their utter lack of love and compassion. To perceive oneself as one is is the flowering of love. That perfume is available to every person regardless of color or creed. Love never discriminates. The moment you see yourself loving or compassionate you are not. A virtuous person would never recognize their own virtue. Love is a virtue! So one can never say that love is personal. One can’t love one person and hate another. Love is the building block to all relationships. Without the foundation of love, relationships are merely a mutual using. And yet very few people are interested in all this.
Coach bri
I can’t believe so many people in this world walk around with the illusion they are in love and yet are not interested. It’s like people are uninterested in personal growth and just machines that go to work and go home and have sex like robots. It’s bizarre! Karen